(For the record, I’m not sure what the deal is with these frogs. Presumably, the lone frog is envious of the palpable intimacy between the other two frogs? What matters is that they are green. And cute. And froggies are Toddler’s favorite animal.)
With a triple-barreled Irish name like Aidan Donnelley Rowley, you’d think I have grand plans today in honor of St. Patty’s Day. Not so much.
Actually, that’s not true. I do have grand plans. It’s just that they are no different than any other Wednesday plans. I will spend exactly nine hours solo with my girls. (Not that I’m counting.) We will play newly-acquired board games. (Hungry Hungry Hippos rocks. Fact that Baby threatens to swallow those little white “snack” marbles that are meant to be fodder for plastic hippos and not human children does not rock quite as much.)
After Husband takes Toddler to Preschool, Baby and I will hang in our PJs for a bit. Then we will attend gym class where she will show up all the big kids with her tumbling skills. Then we will kill some time bond at Starbucks. Then we will pick up Toddler from school where the girls will insist upon using the water fountain in the hallway and then spill copious amounts of water on the threshold of the Head of School’s office door. And then we will head to the diner where I will dutifully order mac & cheese and dinosaur nuggets from the kids’ menu and then bribe Toddler with chocolate ice cream so I can finish my salad (and her fries). And then we will hightail it home for one nap and one quasi-nap. And then we will do everything in our power to destroy the living room, play ceaseless games of Hungry Hungry Hippos and wait until Daddy comes home from work. At which point, it is bath, bed, and beyond. Takeout. TV. Night night.
Aren’t you glad you asked? Wait, you didn’t?
My bad.
The point here is that, no, I have no wild and woolly plans for this special day, but I wanted to include the word “green” in the title. And that is not illegal. I checked.
Alas, this is where my post turns more serious. You ready?
ENVY.
It is an ugly beast that lurks in the dusty corners of our homes and heads and hearts. None of us is immune to envy.
What amazes me, what truly amazes me, is that there are good chunks of time where I (consciously) feel zero envy. One friend loses her baby weight in 3.5 days? Good for her! One friend lets it slip that she got a raise and now makes a million a year? Bravo! She so deserves it! One friend’s three-year-old is reading chapter books? How fabulous! What a tiny braniac!
But then.
Then there are some days, soggier days, existentially creaky days, when I’m not so chipper. One friend’s husband whisks her away on a surprise trip to Europe? That’s so cheesy! What ever is he compensating for? One friend runs a marathon in under three hours? She is ruining her joints. One friend has that fabulous new Chanel bag? Gross! Material things do not make us happy.
One cyber-colleague has a bazillion comments on her blog post today? Whatever. Comments mean nothing.
No, wait. Comments mean everything! I am just flailing in a corrupt pool of competitiveness, a toxic sea of envy. Lovely. Just lovely.
Recently, I read two wonderful and relevant blog posts on this topic. First, Rebecca of Diary of a Virgin Novelist penned a very honest and compelling post about the shock of envy she felt when a friend of hers quit her job to write fiction. Rebecca confesses her initial bitterness and admits her first thoughts, “She is going to beat me to it. She is going to show me up.” Second, Celeste of Perusing Celeste, opened up about joining this blogosphere and feeling periodic surges of envy when reading others’ well-written blogs. In her post, she explains that when she reads an exceptional piece of writing, a dreaded feeling swoops in: “Never in a million years could I have found the words to say it that well! Why can’t I write like that? I will never be able to write like that.”
And so. It occurred to me – and occurs to me now – that this envy thing is universal ergo worth addressing. My utterly non-expert take?
Insecurity breeds envy.
Insofar as we are all insecure from time to time, insofar as we all have our fair share of not good enough moments, we also feel envious of others from time to time. When in the throes of insecurity and doubt, we often can’t help but bemoan the seeming successes and perfection of others.
And here’s the interesting thing: I think envy has little or nothing to do with its object and everything to do with us, the feelers of it. When we are down and out and floundering, it is possible to be envious of almost anyone. But when those insecurities wane, when our confidence resumes, we are more apt to celebrate the good fortune of our peers.
Do you buy this decidedly unoriginal hypothesis? Because I do.
And having this trusty hypothesis in my arsenal is helpful on days like today, when sweet little girls run the show, bossing their well-meaning mom around, making her sweat and plead for justice and order and quality naps. Yes, theories, sturdy psychological theories, come in handy on these days when insecurities rise to a boil and envy – of people with an ounce of control over the trajectory of their moments or people with moderately tidy living rooms – becomes a distinct possibility.
A man whom I have never heard of named Saint John Chrysostom once said, “As a moth gnaws a garment, so doth envy consume a man.” And I agree. Envy is no good. It eats away at the edges of our goodness. It leaves holes in our happiness.
But can we control envy? Can we limit its impact? Can we keep it from consuming us?
I don’t know. But speaking of being consumed, I am consumed with pride. Toddler, ever the digital native and precocious artiste, created the following masterpiece on my iPhone.
What is it? It is a poetic rendering of Mommy’s brain after a Wednesday with her darling girls.
(Don’t be envious. I’m sure your kid is smart too.)
___________________________
- Do you agree that none of us is impervious to envy? Do you think that envy is an inevitable product of competitiveness?
- Do you agree that insecurity breeds envy?
- Do you think we can control the amount of envy we feel?
- Do you think envy has any redeeming aspects? Do you think it motivates us or paralyzes us?
- How do you handle the successes of people close to you?
- Do you ever experience envy of other parents or people?
- Have you ever experienced blog envy?
- Do you have any fun plans for St. Patrick’s Day?
- Thoughts on the frogs?
I definitely agree that insecurities breed envy. And the grass always seems greener on the other side. We can control it, though I think it’s hard to do. But it comes from acceptance and gratitude of the things you do have…from knowing that some things are just out of your control…and from acknowledging and paying more attention to the things that give you real happiness.
I do get blog envy, but then I remember why I started blogging: catharsis. I need to write and share my feelings. If one person reads, great. If 100 read, great.
Some people envy me because I am a stay-at-home mother…they think that means I am financially secure. What they don’t see is that we live in an apartment and live paycheck-to-paycheck. And that I spend a lot of my days cleaning up toddler vomit. I would pay a million dollars (if I had it) to not have to clean up toddler vomit again.
I used to become envious of others and their successes too, until I realized that it’s so much more fun to celebrate with, rather than become angry with, those friends. Now I look to them as inspiration. If they can succeed and achieve their dreams, so can I.
As I re-read what I wrote, it sounds a little cheesy doesn’t it? But it really is all about reframing your thoughts and giving the positive more power over the negative. It’s a hard battle though.
Sometimes true words, honestly woven, are cheesy. That is okay. That is real. This comment resonates on a number of levels. Envy is natural, but must be circumscribed. Life under its force is no fun.
I obviously have a lot of insecurity, because I stopped at the first example you gave, “A friend loses her baby weight in 3.5 days.” What’s insane is I haven’t even had a baby, but when I see friends skinnier after having a baby then they were before I am so envious. I think “If they can lose that weight so fast why can’t I do it? There’s no excuse!” Then I go eat a Revenge Cheeseburger.
Anyway, so yes I agree that insecurity breeds envy. There’s no reason to be jealous of other’s success unless you feel unsuccessful in some way. I read a quote somewhere that says something like “Don’t be resentful of other’s success. It’s not like there’s only so much to go around.” I try to remember that!
Why is it so hard for us to realize that there is boundless good fortune and glee in this world, that it is not ultimately a zero-sum game? But then again – what would life be without a Revenge Cheeseburger from time to time?
Yep…insecurity breeds envy. BUT…sometimes I also think there’s something else that breeds envy. Your place in life, your developmental level, and a teeny-weeny bit of self-awareness. These may sound like odd roots of envy. But these days, I know who I am, and what I want. The older I get, the more I’m able to grasp the things I want in this world, as well as the person I want to be, and the goals I want to meet. And when someone is “further along” in meeting those goals? Envy. Houses, babies, book deals (no offense!)…the things I know I’m seeking…but don’t have. BUT…deep down, I know things like houses don’t matter. But I’ve still got that envy. Deep down, I know my goals will morph and change, and I will meet the goals that remain important to me. And on my own time. Until then? Envy creeps in when I’m feeling less than optimistic. Which brings me to self-doubt, which brings us back to…insecurity. So maybe you’ve got it way more boiled down. Insecurity breeds envy.
There is something in your post that strikes me. I think that perhaps there is a certain awareness that breeds envy, namely once we have a better sense of what we want, and of what it looks like, we are more vulnerable to envy when in the orbit of people who have these things we desire. I think what makes envy navigable is that we can make sense of it, deconstruct it, tell ourselves that we are being silly and weak. (I think that’s what I am doing in this post, no?)
Hoo boy, Aidan. Ya done did it again. You got into my brain and spoke that which did not want to be said.
I absolutely grapple with envy. I envy amazing writers’ abilities to “speak that which I can’t find the words to say” (ahem), I envy my colleagues abilities to GET SO MUCH DONE. And I know it’s happening AS it’s happening b/c I feel weak (great tip about weaknesses…they’re the things that make you feel weak, duh!)And I hate it. So I take stock, figure out WHAT’S going on…WHAT I’ve made more important than say, writing to my blog (which I haven’t in over two weeks!) and figure out what that says about my priorities. Then rein it that what needs to be reined in….or not. From that place, I think I’m able to “limit its impact”.
Thank you, as ever.
Thank you for your words because now I am realizing that perhaps, maybe, there is a good side of envy. Maybe feeling envy is prime evidence of *desire* of wanting more for ourselves. Maybe, on a basic level, the desire to improve who we are and what we have is not bad, but good. Obviously, this can become a problem if the creeper vines of envy take over our entire structure, but maybe there is something elusively redeeming about feeling pangs of envy from time to time? Maybe envy focuses us on what we have, what we don’t and why we are feeling weak?
You asked: Can we control envy?
My answer: We can damn well try! And the way to do that is going to the source – our own insecurities. I doubt any of us will ever be free from the ‘not good enoughs’, but we can make an effort every day to love ourselves, nurture ourselves, and be kind to ourselves. We must look for lessons on the good days. Why was I able to be happy for that person last month and not this person today? What is different in MY orbit? I am the only common link in cases of envy, so I have to start and finish with looking at myself.
Lessons on the good days. Indeed. Looking inward, at the stuff of self and soul, the spots of weakness on an otherwise sturdy core. Absolutely. Self is the one constant.
Yup. Yup. Yup. I suffer from envy – its my knee jerk reaction. But there is an antidote. And all I need to do is remind myself that just because someone accomplisahed something, doesn’t steal the possibility away from me. At all. Because remarkably there is room for ALL of us. Just because so and so got a book deal doesn’t mean that I never will. In fact, the two are completely unrelated. Rather than turn green because I have a fraction of the comments that others have, I think about how they got to where they did — and can I employ a similar strategy? Envy tells us alot about ourselves — and what we want and aspire to. Do I have it? Yup — alot. But I think we can turn it into something positive if we try (really hard)
Great post Aidan — wish I wrote it! (heh heh)
I do think we can turn envy into something positive. I do. If we acknowledge it and excavate its soil, looking for the deep roots. If we allow ourselves to ask questions, hard and uncomfortable questions about why we are feeling envy, how it is manifesting, how it ebbs and flows, I think we can learn a lot about ourselves. And, hey, if we can’t eliminate it from our worlds, we might as well use it as a raw material for self-discovery (and blog posts!).
I definitely struggle with envy. The way I usually defend myself from it is by taking inventory of what I have that others don’t. And not in a good way. For example: She has a huge, beautiful home and takes fabulous vacations. I have a smaller, cluttered and threadbare home and rarely get to travel but I have two beautiful children and she’s struggled with infertility for years – so there!
After it happens, I feel sick with guilt and shame that I needed to mentally kow-tow this woman and feel superior to her, when the place my mind should go to is, “none of that matters. Are you happy with what you’ve accomplished? If not, work on that and leave that other woman alone.”
I’m working on it. Promise.
We are all working on it. Or we all should be. And we all engage in these silent comparison games from time to time. These scenarios, these silly scenarios, play out when we are weak and undisciplined in our ways of thinking.
Will you at least be toasting a corned beef brisket in the oven? It’s the American Irish way
Now a few of the wee people have managed to make the journey over from the old country so take a few cautions that you don’t antagonize any of them
(doncha know)
Wear a bit of green, maybe put some food color in your draft… with a name like yours you’ve got a “triple barrel” chance of finding that luck before the day’s out
Love the multitude of smileys here
Alas, there was no corned beef brisket, no green clothing, no green beer. A crime, I know. But I do feel lucky today. And on many days, actually. (Yes, even though my wee ones drained me of every bit of patience and energy.)
Great entry–I think that you are absolutely correct that insecurity breeds envy. I read a quote and I wish I could give it proper credit, but I don’t remember the source. I read along the lines of: “Don’t compare your insides to others’ outsides”. When feeling insecure, I find it SO easy to go green over others’ external successes–weight loss, looks, jobs, etc. It is a dangerous and tiring trap. “And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not.” ~William Shakespeare
I love your blog!
Welcome to the comment box, Judy! I love both quotes. And it is all about insides and outsides, isn’t it? When our inner seas are rough, we tend to see calm waters all around us. Hope you continue to pop by and leave your words!
This post resonates well with what Becca at Drama for Mama wrote today about living up to Numbers. I agree with the other commenters that yes, insecurity (and unhappiness) does breed envy. But I also feel that competitiveness is different from envy and healthy in the right dose.
Yes, I get blog envy and it waxes and wanes with my moods. But so far it hasn’t stopped me from writing, reading, or commenting. If I can look at my envy from the positive view of admiration, then often times I can learn something from the person I admire.
Yes again on the fun plans for St. Paddy’s Day!
On the frogs, I think the third frog is very happy for the couple. Perhaps he set them up on a blind date and it worked out.
Must go read Becca’s post. I do think some of envy boils down to old school admiration and ultimately that a little envy is probably part and parcel of ambition?
Adore your frog theory!
I think you are spot on. Case in point, I am not envious of Toddler’s iPhone masterpiece. I certainly admire it (what a creative child you have!) but being that I have no kids of my own, I don’t feel the pang of “Why isn’t my Toddler creating art for the new digital age yet?” That said, I must confess that when I look at your wonderful blog every day, there is a pang of envy. You have 10 comments before 10 am! That doesn’t change how much I admire your honest and well-written blog, and how happy I am for your success but, yes, there are times I wish I had it too. My name is Rachel, and I am Jealous.
My blog, on the other hand, is a mere 2 weeks old (not even). So of course I know, rationally (though it’s so hard to be rational, isn’t it?), that it will take time. Your blog is a source of inspiration. But I think admiration and a tinge of envy can coexist just fine.
I also think that it’s so easy to be jealous of others and forget that there are things about us of which others might be jealous. So, when I look at a blog littered with comments I try to remind myself, you’ve had success too, and you will with this. Patience! That usually helps drown out the crazytalk voices. For now.
First of all, your brand new baby blog is fantastic. You are way beyond where I was two weeks in. I went months without getting comments! Patience is indeed a virtue (that I don’t have either).
Yes, when we feel envy, I think it is good to take a step back and realize that it is a human emotion and that each of us is probably the object of another person’s envy. There is something so unbelievably universal about wanting what someone else has (or appears to have.)
Crazytalk voices, be gone!
In the early days of my blogging career I wrote about blog envy and was shocked by how many comments it received. My experience in blogging is that posts about blogging receive more comments, and envy is no exception to that rule.
As for envy in general, well I won’t lie and say that I haven’t felt it from time to time, but it really is rare for me.
I have worked hard to ignore what I can’t control. I grew up with friends who had far more than I did. Their parents were exceptionally affluent, mine were middle class.
We had a very nice life, but I didn’t go to Europe, get a car on my 16th birthday or get so many other things that they did.
I couldn’t let that bother me because I had no way to change it.
Two interesting things here. It has never occurred to me that blogging about blogging generates comments. But I guess bloggers read blogs and so blog posts about the art of blogging are relatable….
Secondly, I am very curious about whether we can choose to ignore things, and feelings, over which we have little control. I wonder if this is a male thing? Husband often asks why I am anxious about something and says, “But you can’t control what will happen, so why are you worrying about it?”
I guess I am not sure we have (total) control over our emotional landscapes…
I suspect that most bloggers want readers and comments so anything that relates to that is of interest.
As for ignoring things, of course we can. I don’t know that we can do it with everything but we can train ourselves to ignore quite a bit.
Over time I have gotten to be quite good at tuning out the “noise.” It is not always easy to do, but I work at it.
OMG, your toddler’s iPhone drawing is WAY better than mine! (And I do mean MINE, not my toddler’s.) ENVY.
Seriously, yes. This post is right on the money (oh! Also green!) and I couldn’t agree more. What to do about envy, I don’t know, but it’s there, it’s natural, and it rears its ugly head sometimes. I feel it especially when another writer ‘beats me to the publishing punch’ as you said. I guess that’s because that’s what matters to me, you know? We become envious of what matters most, I suppose.
I think you are right that envy is natural, it lingers in the rooms of our lives, and it is particularly instructive about what we really care about. Perhaps envy is our compass of true desire?
Absolutely insecurity breeds envy, meaning it is a causal relationship. But does that mean we can’t reduce the amount of envy we feel without first reducing our insecurities? Or maybe the insecurity can remain the same but we can alter the ways in which it manifests in our lives.
My post was written on a day that was heavy with emotion. On a good day I can see the amazing people around me and feel thankful to be a part of, or just witness, their greatness. It would be great if every day were this way, but then I wouldn’t need the catharsis the blog provides.
I almost never envy other parents which I feel wonderful about since that is indeed my most important role in life.
And it is a good thing I have super low expectations (at least for now) regarding my blog. One or two comments and I am overjoyed!
Oh, and thank you for thinking of me and my little newborn blog today. You are golden and I am rich for finding you here.
First of all, I adore your blog and that you have chosen to take the leap. I like the idea that we cannot control our insecurities, but we can control how they manifest. What also strikes me about your comment is the truth about days. It amazes me that the very same person can wade through a series of good days and bad, rainbow and navy. Ultimately, I celebrate this as I think the contrast is what makes us who we are and gives existence depth and detail.
I am envious of this blog. I feel like I have been put back in my place—wherever that is.
This is a wonderful blog. Thanks.
And, here’s my blog if you care to read it.
It’s the opposite of this blog.
My son has Down Syndrome—-no Ivy Leagues for us.
Welcome to ILI, Marianne! I am thrilled you found your way here. And I very much look forward to checking out your blog. I doubt our blogs are opposites though. My hunch is that given that we are both women and writers and warriors in this world – physical and virtual – there is probably a bit of overlap in sentiment and soul? I guess I will have to see.
Aidan, I love this post and all of the comments from your readers. You explained exactly the envy I’ve been grappling with this week. My two *very* best friends are pregnant and I’ve been SO envious. Even though I’m not married and not ready to be a mom, I am so jealous that my friends have something that I don’t have. I think alot of the jealousy comes from the insecurity of not knowing if I will ever have a child or a husband and that really scares me. When I reframe my thoughts, though, and just be happy for them (my friends) and not worry about what will happen to me, it’s a lot easier to embrace their happiness! Thank you for another great post!
Happy St Paddies Day,
Amy
You hit on something very important – and interesting – here. It is possible to feel envy even when the objects of that envy aren’t things we truly desire. I think this is another instance of envy shedding light on our own insecurities and questions and fears. *What if* is a very hard question and one that peppers our days.
I’ve been mulling this post over in my mind for much of the day now, trying to pinpoint what incites my envy. I think for me it is as much about control as insecurity. When I want something that I don’t have the opportunity to choose for myself, that’s when envy sets in. I don’t envy stay-at-home moms because I chose to go back to work. I don’t envy women with perfectly sculpted arms (that much) because I choose not to spend that much time at the gym. But when I see something that I’d like to have, but, independent from my own choices, don’t have, then I get envious. There’s an undercurrent of helplessness that I find frustrating and privately embarrassing. And then the guilt that inevitably follows because I lead such a fortunate life in the first place. I am awash in ambivalence over this one…
Ah, the connection between envy and guilt. There is an undeniable link here, but it is hard to articulate. I think the reality is that no matter how much we have, we never feel perfectly complete. We always have damp moments, where we spin in place and crave stillness. We always want. It is part of who we are. And we always feel guilty too. About so many things. If only we could (better) control these monsters.
Envy makes me squirm. Because I have it (both blog-envy and other-envy) and I don’t like myself for it. But I’ve got it. And when it flashes through me, I feel ugly and small.
Because you’re right, it’s more about how I’m feeling my own inadequacy. Ugh, can you feel me squirming? I hate that feeling.
I get envious when I read something so beautiful or tender or funny that I know I couldn’t hold a candle to. I get envious when someone transitions a blog into a lucrative career (Orangette). I get envious when people get a book deal (ahem). I get envious when people make mothering look easy.
But at the root of it, it’s me. It’s me, suspecting that I suck. And let me tell ya, that’s a pretty gross pill to swallow!
But, alas, we’re human. And envy comes with the package. Loved reading the comments to this.
We are human. Struggling and squirming creatures. I do think that envy is part of the package, but it is an ugly part. Thankfully there are many lovelier parts of the package that is life.
Oooh boy, you hit the nail on the head! Insecurity definitely breeds envy. (It also breeds negative self-talk, cynicism, disappointment, irritability… you get the idea.) And I agree, envy is more about me than anyone I’m jealous of.
I think a mantra is helpful – repeating a positive affirmation to yourself every morning, or every time you criticize yourself, or every time you feel envy.
I think practicing gratitude is helpful. Deliberately identifying the things you are grateful for, whether through a journal or regular conversation with your partner or whatever.
And finally, I try to remind myself that we all have burdens and challenges. No matter how perfect, how put-together someone appears, we all have private stresses. Sometimes they are more evident than others. So don’t be cynical, just try to be empathetic and believe in our shared human condition: the combination of trials and successes.
Yes, private stresses. Why, when we know that we have so much tumult in our souls, do we assume that others don’t? That if they are smiling and celebrating, all is good for them? I don’t understand this way of thinking. I think the question of gratitude is huge. For better or worse – and worse I imagine – I have always been cynical about the notion of gratitude journals, etc, but now I am realizing that this blog is in many ways a gratitude journal. Each day, I write about something and unwittingly express my gratitude for my days, my moments, my questions. Thank you for triggering this realization in me.
I hate to feel envy. It makes me feel sick inside, and guilty for feeling it, even as I acknowledge it and wish it away. Is it possible to control? I don’t know. I’ve yet to master that skill, if it can be mastered. Thankfully, I only feel envious on very rare occasions… if my friends succeed at something, I’m genuinely delighted for them (99 times out of 100, anyway…).
I’m not sure it is a skill to be mastered. Interestingly, I think that I feel envy far less than I used to. I imagine this has something to do with being where I am, in the throes of a young family, and doing what I want to do professionally. But it is not gone. Not entirely. It creeps up in gray moments between spurts of confidence. It does.
I have to be honest. I ate waaaaay too many of the green-iced (crack-laced?) St. Patrick’s cake-cookies I bought at the grocery store this morning to be able to ponder this as deeply as I would like. So I’ll just have to say: I like the frogs. Deeper thoughts tomorrow …
I really want one of those cookies right about now
The frogs are cuties, huh? And as you know, I am a loyal fan of the shallow end of life’s pool. Everything in moderation! (Even deepness.)
Envy is a natural emotion and its not necessarily a bad thing. Envy can be motiviating rather than distructive if we choose to emulate the confidence and ambition that helped someone achieve the fame, fortuned or success that we desire. Getting over envy is sometimes as easy as working to help the other person achieve her goal. Your helping hand can yield a wealth of wisdom fromt he mentor that you initally envied.
Interesting idea that helping the object of our envy achieve further success might eliminate the envy. Hmmm… I do see how learning can happen here and that we might then be able to achieve whatever success it was that we envied in the first place. Perhaps, on a general level, the idea is to go toward the object of our envy rather than away?
These comments have been so insightful.
I find that, as Eve suggested, keeling a gratitude journal really helps
me keep things in perspective!
So interesting because as I said in my response to Eva’s comment above, I am just realizing that in some sense, in some important sense, this blog is my own gratitude journal. Writing here, reading my wonderful comments, and doing my best to respond, certainly does help me keep things in perspective!
It’s how you handle your envy that matters in my opinion. It’s very normal I think to be envious of someone else’s successes if it’s something you’ve been striving for but as long as you don’t have malicious thoughts or wish poorly on someone else, it’s not something to be so hard on yourself for. I definitely am envious of a lot of things but I’m thrilled for other people when they have what I “want”. I don’t want to have what they have INSTEAD of them… just along with them!
And just think of how many people are envious of things YOU have! Because you certainly seem to have it GOOD my friend!
Great St Patrick’s Day (or any day) post!
Thank you, Becca
Yes. Thanks for this reminder that when someone else’s dream comes true, it doesn’t negate our own dreams. Even when the dreams are very similar in essence.
Off to read your post from today and then off to bed! Night night.
This was such a wonderful post that I have been thinking about it since I read it yesterday- thank you for tackling such a common emotion that I think we are taught is not polite to admit to feeling.
I loved the quote Judy gave written by someone else: “Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides” because really we have no idea what is going on internally in someone else’s life and never have any way of knowing everything (even though we may think we do), all we can see are the outsides, the external accomplishments, the words used to describe someone’s life, or how it appears to us, etc- but it is unfair to compare that to our struggles and life internally because it is not a fair comparison. That quote was just really amazing and has really helped me refocus my perspective on envy.
I have major house envy, having stalked a house for years that I will most likely never get (with a view, with more space) I envy people who have these things, even while knowing that others may “house envy” me. So dumb, I know.
Blog envy, yes. I’m amazed by writers who are such great thinkers (just go ahead and put yourself in there, Aidan) and start such fascinating discussions, while I am a “humorist.” Eh.
I think envy can definitely go away. If we understand or believe that we are exactly where we’re meant to be, that even if we’re at a “bottom” that we accept that, then we aren’t envious, we’re appreciative of the world we see around us, even if it’s a different view than we expected.
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