Husband took this photo one week ago today. It was the day after our little girl was born and our second day in the hospital. I sat there in the mechanical hospital bed, in my tie-dye robe, cuddling my tiny creature, remembering how good it feels to clutch new life, to sniff baby sweetness, to be a mom.
It’s been just one week. I am too tired to tell whether this week has felt long or short. Truth be told, the days have been a swirl of blurriness and utter clarity, furious fog and keen sunshine. I am happy to be home, to be here in this euphoric and exhausting haze.
I am also pleased to be here again. At this screen. Last week, I pondered posting. You see, I have plenty to say, to record, to remember. But, ultimately, it didn’t feel right to write. Instead, it felt appropriate to keep the computer closed, to keep my hands and body and mind free to embrace my new bundle and my new life.
I still feel this way. I do. But I also miss this. This spontaneous carving of experiential sculpture. This connection with worlds beyond the walls of my family home. This interaction with all of you and with another side of myself.
So. Here I am. Back. Maybe for the day. Maybe for good. It’s hard to tell.
It’s been just one week, but what a week it’s been. A week in which I have fallen deeply in love with a new being and with a new incarnation of my family. A week in which my body has done miraculous things. A week in which my mind has danced and wandered and marveled. A week in which I’ve logged countless hours in that pose above, gripping novelty, kissing soft skin, singing hello.
Just one week. A week of compelling change and poetic surrender. A week without control or rest. A week full of tears and smiles – mine and hers and ours. A week full of life and love.
An amazing week. One I can’t quite capture with words.
But still. Here I try.
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Thank you so much to all of you for your lovely congratulatory words here at ILI and elsewhere. Though insanely shredded with fatigue, I feel so fortunate to be here, right here, in this raw and regal moment of my family’s life and to feel the support and love from so many of you. Thanks in advance for your patience with me as I figure out how to approach blogging (and all else) in this precarious and precious aftermath of my daughter’s birth.
Have you ever been amazed at how much life can change in the course of one hour or one day or one week? If you’ve had children, do you have any distinct memories of the early days that you’d like to share?
I’m so happy to hear that you and baby are doing well and enjoying one another. Thinking of you and hoping you are getting some rest. I am eagerly awaiting the moment life will change in the course of one hour;)
I am glad for you the computer stayed closed (was it really closed or just no blogging). That pose, the one above, looks divine. Enjoy the sounds and smells and laughter and tears.
Furious fog and keen sunshine … have rarely heard a better descriptor. Sending love to you all. xox
Welcome back! Whether for the day or for good. There are few things sweeter than a newborn, and what a sweet week you seem to have had. Love and hugs to you as you wade your way back into this world. We’ve missed you.
Congratulations!! I have been reading your blog for a while now and find it really inspirational (as an avid reader and lover of writing). Wishing you lots and lots of happy times with your new bundle
x
I applaud your decision to take the time out to smell the smells, build the bonds and simply to appreciate the new life you gave.
Keep following your instinct. I think that’s what all of us would wish for you.
Having a great, hectic time yet?
Hope that the others in your family are holding up as well.
I was so excited to see a post today! I did a happy dance in my office! I needed that!
Congratulations on your new lovebug! Those moments are so wonderful, just holding, smelling, and kissing their fuzzy heads. I treasure those first moments when they are born when they are adjusting to the light, the noise, and their little tongues start curling and poking from their cherry red lips. Those moments were so delicate and I will remember them forever.
Again, congratulations and I wish you unexpected moments of sleep.
What a sweet description of your first week. I love the picture too. “A week of compelling change and poetic surrender.”-I love it.
Oh, so sweet! Also, it’s wonderful to see you again! I’m so glad you’ve been able to get lots of snuggles during this week. It’s a wonderful, special time.
My little girls turns 1 next week (AHHHH!), and—I’m sure you’ve noticed, with two olders of your own—there are some days over the last year that I’ve been just shocked to go in and get her out of her crib in the morning; it seems like she’s grown up over night! What is it that changes so much in those 10 hours between “bedtime” and “wake-up time” that makes such a difference?
Truthfully, I barely remember the first week at all. My girl was born on Wednesday, and I remember having my first freak-out (where I actually realized that there was something to this Mommy Hormone crap—I thought I’d been handling it really well up to that point) on Sunday, as my parents were getting ready to leave and the baby would NOT. STOP. CRYING. And then my husband up and left me for a job interview on Monday night. (He got the job, so really the first two months was just one giant upheaval.)
But I do remember the first night at the hospital, when my husband got to hold the baby for the first time after my parents finally went back to our apt. (He cried, I was touched. It’s just one of those moments that you want to keep. Wishing you many of them yourself.)
What a sweet photo! It sounds like you’re striking a good balance. It’s hard for me to remember the first week of my daughter’s life–it’s all such a blur. I am really looking forward to having baby #2 this spring, though, because I think/hope that our daughter will totally fall in love with the baby. It must be so cool to watch your older girls with their little sister.
Nothing is ever the same, what an exquisite gift, this change.
Happy tidings.
What a beautiful picture! Those first few days are such a blur; I’ve always been thankful for photographs to remind me of what they were like, because I simply can’t hold on to them in my mind.
I’m so glad you are doing what feels right regarding blogging, instead of what you think you “ought” to do. Keep it up – whether you are here sporadically, frequently, or not at all, we’ll understand and be glad for you!
it is amazing, the complete and utter upheaval of having a child. in an instant everything changes.
this is a beautiful post, aidan. thanks for sharing this time with us and welcome back in whatever capacity feels right in a given moment.
be well and breathe deeply…
Congratulations! I can hardly believe you have time/inclination to write anything! I admire your desire/instinct to maintain this balance for yourself and your family.
Delicious and precious moments. So many changes, yet so many things are still the same.
I have many memories of my first weeks with my newborns. Enjoy and thank you again for sharing these magical moments.
Adorable! Enjoy these moments with your newborn & family. After all, life is short and sweet but a newborn is ultimately precious.
So sweet. Welcome back- and full permission to write or not, post or not as the spirit moves you!
Love to you and all your gang!
Congratulations to you and yours! So happy for you.
Peace and rest…
Congratulations on your new baby girl! I have enjoyed your blog for quite some time, and love the way you write and start conversations in your posts. I tried to model elements of my new blog after yours.
Welcome back…
When my babies were born, I felt this world/reality SHIFT that had to happen so my brain could wrap itself around these new little beings… seeing that picture of you and your new babe at the hospital made me think of that world-shift I experienced. Have a lovely ride!
She looks great.
Your words are beautiful and I feel honored to get to peek in, and relive, through you, this indescribable time, the first days of a new life. I wish, I truly do, I could remember more from those hazy days with my kiddos. xoxo
Oh, such sweetness. I think of those first 6-ish weeks of life as surreal. They exist in this watery time for me. I am loving knowing you are there, lapping up the juice. Enjoy. Enjoy the tears and the happy. And I hope for much, much rest.
Congratulations. Your post about her birth was wonderful. It so captures the beauty of those first moments. Enjoy this time as best as you can in the haze. My new little one is 8 weeks today and the new newness already feels so distant. I will never forget sitting in the hospital, her in just a diaper, and sitting her up with her head hunched over, she looked at once so strong and so helpless. The helplessness is almost gone from her now and she is all strength.
Ooooh, what a precious moment! It is great to hear from you again.
It’s amazing you have the mental capacity and emotional wherewithal to write a post as beautiful as that just one week in! Hope you are doing great, and I’m glad that you’re following your instincts regarding being here and there.
Absolutely beautiful! You make me hope even more that one day I’ll have the experience of giving birth, falling in love with a new being and becoming a mother. Enjoy your new world!
Yes, life changes in a flash. And how wonderful when it’s for the better!
Lovely. Enjoy every moment!
The love a mom feels for her new baby is impossible to convey in words alone; pure joy can only be experienced. Congrats to you, my friend. Enjoy every single moment.
Almost makes me want another….almost!
And, congrats. And, and, love the robe!
Enjoy every moment! There is nothing more exciting than a new baby…
Congratulations!!!!!!! I am so insanely happy for you and your family! What wonderful moments to record. Thank you for sharing!!
I hope you are able to get some rest!
Congrats again!!!!
How wonderful Aidan—I often think of my second child’s eyes just moments after being born, gazing up at me and smiling, so alert and curious. For years I affectionately called him The Buddha… but even Buddhas don’t care to be called such as teens. Here’s to the widening abundance of love—and sending All Good Wishes
I’m so happy for, these moments are the most precious for women life, cannot be described, there are no word to say how you feel. Magical moments
Love the robe! you are such a trendy mom! Congrats on the babe! She is beautiful. Enjoy every minute!! So so happy for you Aidan. XXXOO
Your words make me excited to have another and enjoy all those moments again! congrats!!
I love that pic of you Aidan. Such sweet surrender. Glad to see your words. Enjoy the time away from them too.
When I had my baby, someone told me “the days are long, the years are short.” After 16 months, I think that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard.
aidan, forgive me. i am so very far behind… but that image, ohmygoodness, that image is so perfect and priceless.
i hope you are well, my friend.