As some of you might already know (thanks to the convenience of email, text, Twitter and Facebook), our baby girl has made her debut! After an admittedly rotten week of false labor, she decided to join us at 9:31am on the morning of Sunday, March 6th. Turns out the ultrasound predictions of a sizable baby were right on as she entered the world a full two weeks early at a whopping and wonderful eight pounds and eight ounces and twenty one inches long.
Oh, did I mention that she is absolutely beautiful? And that she looks just like her big sisters did when they were born?
That is the short story. She is here. Gorgeous and healthy. Feel free to stop reading.
Or not. This is not a post I can keep neat and tidy and concise. Because I am here, in this stunning and wrought moment hours from her arrival and there is just too much to say, to feel, to remember before it slides from me. So, really. The rest of this? It’s for me. It’s for Husband. It’s for my three little girls. It’s so that we know what this time was, what it really was, what it felt like and tasted like. And if you are curious, or care, it is for you, too. And read on…
I sit here. In a big hospital room that overlooks Central Park. From my mechanical bed, I can see the gray blue sky over the buildings. Husband naps on a small couch in the corner, his face peaceful, his feet dangling over the edge. She, my newest love, is swaddled in standard issue stripes in a bassinet next to my bed. There is a pink card taped to the plastic. I’m a Girl, it says.
And she is. A girl. My third. And she is lovely as she sleeps, her eyelids fluttering, her lips pursing and relaxing into accidental smiles. She squeaks as she slumbers. And I watch her and wait. Wait for her to wake up and need me. Because she already does. She needs me. And it is overwhelming and exhausting and exquisite to be needed so profoundly, so utterly, so suddenly. I am a mess of nerves and hormones and doubts and dreams and fears, but even so, I am up for the challenge.
I should be sleeping. That’s what everyone says. But I can’t. Not right now. Because the sun is bright and this is a day and a room and a subtle but remarkable moment I will not get back. This slice of peace and anticipation, this quiet canvas of celebration marred with car alarms and baby coos and the thunderous beat of my own swollen heart.
I said it to Husband last night as we were trying to fall asleep. I said, It’s crazy to think she was inside me and now she’s not. I got choked up as I said this, this simple observation. And then I said something else, also true. I said, I can’t believe I might never be pregnant again. That I will never feel life inside me like that again. Again, the tears were there.
But. As soon as these emotions came, my mind danced to equally true things. Amazing things. She was inside me and now she is here. Here. In this little room. This big world. This family.
And she is. She is here. And she is a tiny thing, pink and powerful, but she already has me – and us – in her glorious grip. In two days, our lives have tumbled upside down. We haven’t slept. We are shaky and wildly tired. But we are also in love. Madly. Deeply. Uniquely.
When Toddler and Baby met their sister for the first time, they were a mixture of smiles and suspicion. As they peered over that little bassinet, I could see it in their faces, that something, that sense of awe and amazement and overwhelm. When they found out the bassinet has wheels, the game was on. They wheeled their little sister around the room. She slept through it all. And I watched.
And now. I am here. In this very happy and very hazy place, riddled with exhaustion and full of love, awash in tiny details of a room I will soon leave behind… The big beige rocking chair with the happy polka dots, the old school Zenith jutting from the ceiling, our bags and empty soda bottles strewn about, the soft sunshine of an early March day. I will not be here for long, but I am here now.
Soon, we will head home. We will pack our things and sign our forms. We will put our little one in the pale green onesie with tiny flowers. We will strap her into the car seat her sisters once used. We will hail a yellow taxi and say it: Take us home.
And then we will be home. And our old life will resume and our new life will begin. A life with three little blue-eyed girls. A life full of life.
That’s it for now. I must go.
And feed her. And make my way home. And live this life.
Alas. She is here.
And I am too.
_____________________________________
Thank you all so so much for sticking with me and supporting me during my pregnancy. It means a great deal that I’ve been able to share this experience with you. And now? A new story begins. A story borne from exquisite exhaustion, endless affection and the newest of life.
Congratulations! I’m so happy to hear that she (and all of you) are doing well. Take care and have fun. So beautiful)
Many many congratulations to you and your family x x
Congratulations!!! So happy to hear. Enjoy these moments with your little love
Welcome, baby girl!
This might be my favorite post you’ve ever written, Aidan, because the emotions are so familiar, because it is so honest and frank, such a crystallization of a tiny, specific, rare moment.
“Because the sun is bright and this is a day and a room and a subtle but remarkable moment I will not get back. This slice of peace and anticipation, this quiet canvas of celebration marred with car alarms and baby coos and the thunderous beat of my own swollen heart.”
This? Maybe my favorite paragraph you’ve ever written.
I can’t wait to meet her and to see you. So much love to you all.
xo
I am so, so delighted for all of you! Enjoy these days with your newest love, as your family expands and reshapes to include her, until you don’t even remember what it was like before she came.
And thank you for sharing the picture of her feet. Baby toes! I love them!
Congratulations, Aidan! What an exquisite post filled with the most beautiful and heart-warming details. It’s amazing how you are able to capture something so big with the most delicate and charming details. I am so happy for you and your family! …and yes, this post made me cry.
xo
jocelyn
Mazel tov, my friend! I’m one of four girls, so I’m all about the power of femininity. This new little person is lucky to have you as her mom. Enjoy. Revel. Smile. Love.
Aidan – Only you, truly, could be this eloquent one day postpartum. What a stunning post. As you make your way home and cross the threshold into the new version of normal I wish you peace and happiness amidst the flurry of chaos and sleep deprivation.
You thanked us for supporting you through your pregnancy, but I turn that on its head and say – thank you for sharing it with us. Thank you for inviting us in and dropping off candid truths along the way.
Congratulations to you and your whole family. What a blessing. Take care of yourself. And hugs to you. XOXO
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay!!! Congratulations!!!!!! I am over the moon excited for you!!!!!! How exciting! Wonderful, beautiful post. Brought tears to my eyes!!!!
Enjoy this magical amazing time!
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing those tender moments of quiet alone time with your little girl. Rest up and enjoy! We’ll be here when you get back.
Congrats!! So happy for you that she is here and all are healthy!!
Congratulations!
Overjoyed that you and baby are healthy! Love the picture and LOVED the post. I have been tearing up all morning. Read it three times. Congratulations to you and family! XXX
Aidan, what a beautiful post. Simply stunning. All your thoughts about your new love and your family. “A life full of love”, Congratulations!!!!
Yay! Congratulations, Aidan! This is a good one for me to read today. I have eleven weeks to go, and I’m starting to get really tired. Eye on the prize!!
Congratulations!
That is just the most wonderful news to hear today Miss Aidan. You are my ‘something good’ today… for reminding me that these years of Tiny and Baby and Toddler go all too fast (my baby is 10 and my toddler is now almost 13!)… for speaking in your words what was in my heart all those years ago… for taking us on your journey looking out over the horizon as you survey all the landscape that is to come.
Enjoy the day!
Erin
I drank every word twice because you brought such happy memories of post labor back to me along with the tears of joy, the new and profound responsibility and … well, the unmistakable smell of a newborn.
I agree with Gayle who said that it is you that we will thank for sharing your story. It’s been thrilling!
Congratulations to you and happy health to your new baby!
Congratulations – so glad that everything went ok in the end despite that rough last week, and that you are savouring the moment. What perfect little feet!
That was beautiful. I know how you feel about not being pregnant again. It makes me want to cherish my daughter’s baby days even more.
I don’t feel so bad for being online so soon after I had my baby. Sounds like you made it to the computer even faster than I did.
Congrats! Hope you have a quick recovery from your delivery.
I am so happy for you all! Enjoy this time!!
The laptop went to the hospital, selfishly so happy it did. What a gift this (big) little baby will have to read one day. I’m smiling thinking of her older sisters cruising around the room with the bassinet on wheels. A big hug from the other side of the park.
Congratulations and best wishes to you and your family! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. It is such a “very hazy and very happy place” isn’t it?
I just noticed the “Qty: 1 ea” on the bassinet. Whew! So glad there was just one in there!
Enjoy the day!
Erin
P.S. I added you to my ‘something good’ blog today.
So happy and thrilled for you and your lovely family! I was eagerly waiting to hear news of the little one’s arrival, and now it’s here! Hugs from your girl Meg in Maryland.
Such a beautiful tribute to your newest little girl. I am so happy for your family! I am expecting two little girls this summer and anxiously await the fun times ahead. Your blog seems like a peek into my future and I just love it! Take care.
Oh, how touching. You made me tear up. I can almost smell that new baby smell.
Congratulations!! I wish you a good sleeper and eater!
Yay! Congratulations! I cannot believe you have already written a blog, you are amazing. Do get some rest, you deserve it…and need it! I am so happy for you and your family!
Yay, Aidan! What wonderful news. It sounds like you are hopeful and exhausted and exhilarated by all that lies before you. And I couldn’t sleep after giving birth, either–I was way too wound up and excited. Hope that all of you continue to adjust well, and that the smiles slowly outweigh the suspicion for the older girls. xo
Oh, Aidan. I’m so happy for you. I understand the realization of maybe never being pregnant again. It comes back for me again and again. And reading this beautiful post almost makes me want to go down that road again. Enjoy every moment with your three!
congratulations
Welcome, sweet little girl! Congratulations and much love to you and your family of FIVE! So incredibly happy for everyone. xoxo
Congratulations! Celebrate and enjoy these very special first moments with your newest addition! A healthy, beautiful baby is the most wonderful present in the world!
Aidan,
Thank you for taking the moments and writing this entry. For sharing your new love. For recording the beginning moments that are so easy to forget. For writing/thinking things that were straight out of mt mind.
It is comforting to remember these moments & to share these feelings with another.
Best Wishes – Sara
I am so happy for you! I am sure she is just perfect.
Thank you for sharing. Beautiful to document these first few hours and days. Something to cherish forever.
Tears, happy, joyful tears sitting in the corners of my eyes, celebrating with you. So exceptional, this post. I love it. The dueling sense of loss and gain–she’s no longer inside me, but now she’s here, with me. Ooooh yes, so familiar. So true. Beautifully articulated, gorgeously full. Thank you, Aidan. xoxoxo
Congratulations to you and your family on your new little one!
I absolutely adore this post – it makes my stomach flutter with the anticipation of one day experiencing these emotions.
So happy to see those precious little feet and toes!! Blessings to all of you
And yes, that sense of wonder…that baby fit inside only minutes and hours ago? So utterly unreal. Our bodies are amazing.
How deliciously wonderful! Congratulations to you and yours.
Congratulations, Aidan!! I saw your email the other day but forgot to respond. She is beautiful!!!
Yay! And would you look at those little feet…they are positively yummy. So happy for you, Aidan! Thank you for sharing this wonderful news with us.
Congratulations to you, your husband and the new big sisters!! They don’t know it now but they just met one of the best friends they will have for the rest of their life.
I am so busy today but stopped by your blog because I saw on facebook your announcement and I wanted to share in the excitement of the newest addition to your family!
I have to agree with what Kristen said above, the post was wonderful and makes me look forward to the day I experience those same emotions. Thank you for sharing this experience with us.
YAY!!! So happy for you, Aidan! Beautiful moments…
So simply thrilled for all of you. Here’s wishing those three girls a lifetime of love– in all its manifestations!
Congratulations on your new miracle. Thank you for taking the time to savor and share one of the happiest days of your life.
Congratulations! I am beyond happy for your little girl to be here!!!
Congratulations to the whole family!
Aidan, do you mind if I cut and paste this post and put it in MY 3rd daughter’s baby book? Beautiful. You often write what is in my heart.
Enjoy this time together!
congrats, aidan to you and your husband and your three little babes!
Oh Wow! How precious, and how excited and incredibly loved she will feel after reading your experience of her birth! Congrats – and you know the drill, sleep when she sleeps.
Congratulations! Wonderful news to hear about your big little baby! Thank you for taking time to blog about the sweetness of these moments. You are wise to relish in it all because babies are miracles and a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery are gifts we sometimes don’t acknowledge. Give your three girls a big squeeze from a faithful reader!
Congratulations!!!! I’ve been hoping to read this post for the past few days.
My son is due in 3 weeks and I’m hopeful he’ll come early too. I’ve been so happy to share this pregnancy with you even if I never comment.
The song that came to mind on reading this post is Anita Bakers’ ‘You Bring Me Joy’ and I know that’s what your new baby has brought more of to your family.
Congratulation and celebrations to you and family, I have so enjoyed your blog and for you to share such a precious time with us is magical…thank you!
Congratulations Aidan! So very happy for you!!!
Congrats a million times over! I think this may be my favorite post of yours as well. Enjoy this glorious, unforgettable time.
I have been reading your beautiful blog, religiously, for the last few months. Ironically, I think the post that hooked me was called Words for Mom. I felt that it perfectly showcased the special beauty of a mother daughter relationship. Fast forward to today, and the post that gets me to leave my first comment is the one welcoming your third daughter into the world. Thank you for sharing such a special moment and for writing so honestly every day. You’re an inspiration. Now go enjoy your sweet baby girl!
What a beautiful capture of your angel’s first hours! Thank you for sharing with us! Congratulations!
Magic. That is always how I describe childbirth. Of course it is long and difficult, even torturous at times. But in the end it is pure magic.
How do you even put into words a new life you helped create and bring into the world. There is nothing better than seeing the interaction between your children. It is the sweetest thing. Enjoy every moment. Congratulations to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful news and the space you are in at this moment. Wonderful indeed.
Yay, new baby! All of this is beautiful, so wonderful. I’m a bit late to the party, but congratulations!
Beautiful! Beautiful words, beautiful little feet, beautiful baby girl joining her beautiful family. . . now face to face. Blessings.
Congratulations to all of you!
Congratulations Aidan! Enjoy every waking (and sleeping) moment with your beautiful new addition. Can’t wait to hear more, and for me to be where you are now. T minus 2+ months for me…
Congratulations, Aidan! What a lovely post – thank you for sharing with us!
aidan+husband+toddler+baby+newborn…what a brilliant equation!
sending you warmth and calm and strength and time and space…to heal, to love, to sleep, to overflow, to stretch into and settle.
oh, and misty-eyed congratulations. a beautiful, beautiful welcoming post…to your newest addition, to this new incarnation of your family, to this new incarnation of your self.
Congrats! What a beautiful and thoughtful post. Can’t wait to hear more about life with 3 girls.
Congratulations Aiden! I loved this post. It made me ache to be be a mother. Thank you for sharing your thoughts during this special time for you and your family.
Thank you all so so much for your lovely comments and sentiments on this post (and elsewhere). Indeed this has been a remarkable and exhausting week so far. Depending on the moment, I am feeling euphoric or completely overwhelmed. All par for the course, I know. I am still deciding what to do in terms of blogging and writing although my instincts are telling me that I really need this place, this outlet, this connection – particularly during this time.
Truth be told, there is something uniquely isolating about these first days. I am sure much of it has to do with hormones and the utter lack of rest, but I have been missing my interaction with the outside and blog world… All of this is to say that I imagine I will be back very soon and I will do my best not to feel guilty about wanting/needing to blog even when there is a new tiny creature here in my life who needs me totally… (Ah, guilt that forever harrowing presence in our lives. Are we women built for guilt?)
Anyway, I really just wanted to chime in here and say it again: THANK YOU. Sharing this experience, this priceless experience, with you has made it even sweeter.
xoxo,
Aidan
Congratulations, Aidan! What a beautiful, beautiful post. Those first days with a new baby often feel surreal. Thank you for sharing those tender, profound and exquisite moments with us. So happy for you all.
Your three little girls.
My heart is smiling. Congratulations!!
Congratulations, Aidan! Beautiful post. I am so happy for you!
Congratulations!
Those feet!! This is a treasured newborn picture! It belongs on her wall. It’s so obvious someone loves her.
Welcome to the spinning world newborn!
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