Suddenly, I know a fair number of people getting divorced. And it makes me sad. It makes me sad because I can’t imagine the pain inherent in the unraveling, in the parsing of things and thoughts. I can’t imagine any of it.
And, frankly, it makes me thankful. It makes me realize what I have. A man whom I love deeply and complexly who is also my very best friend. A man who mocks the artful way in which I load the dishwasher, a man who puts up with my dramatic overthinking of existence, a man who brings me a cup of coffee when he knows I need it.
On Saturday night, as we walked home from dinner, I hung back. I hung back and I snapped a photo of this man, this man whom I love and this man who loves me. The picture is distressed and faded and blurry in spots, but, still, I adore it. I adore it for its dreamlike, ethereal, wispy ethos. I love it for the fact that it is him, just him, not him with the kids hanging from his limbs, not him being a superstar dad. Just him. A person.
I vow to do this more: To hang back. To realize. To not take for granted the immense and complicated and abiding affection I feel for this guy.
Do you know a lot of people splitting up? Do you agree with my theory that a lot of people divorce after 5-10 years of marriage because they feel like they are young enough to begin again but also that they have given many years and much effort to their marriage?
Each time we have a child (and these thoughts are still fresh in my mind since #2 is only four months old) we look at each other during particularly difficult moments and say, “And this is in a good marriage! Can you imagine how hard it would be in a bad marriage, or as a single parent?”
So, yes. I am thankful. Thankful that he changes diapers. Thankful that he takes both boys to run errands on weekends and give me some down time. Thankful that he balances all of the bank accounts and pays all of the bills. Thankful that he washes the dishes. Thankful that we make each other laugh. Thankful that we challenge and support each other. Thankful that we still (after 12 years together) talk about everything, all the time. Thankful that we are still best friends. And thankful that we still love each other immensely.
Your man certainly looks handsome from the back
My marriage is good. I love my husband, a lot. We do have our challenges, we fight often, but I’ve heard this is okay as long as you always make up, which we do. I couldn’t imagine my life without him (or his son or our daughter). It does take work. Our bond is stronger when we spend more time together (prying ourselves from our respective computers to make it happen). No matter what, raising children puts a strain on a marriage, and blended families present an even greater challenge. I stand by my belief that it is all worth it.