Confession: Husband and I haven’t been on a proper just-the-two-of-us old school vacation since before Big Girl entered the picture. That’s six years, people. Way too long. We plan to fix this in the next year.
But. I am realizing something. I am realizing that this no-drinking-thing is really a trip of sorts. A voyage. To where?
To right here.
I have new eyes. I’m seeing things differently. Myself. You. My words. The world.
And this? This might very well be the best kind of adventure. To travel miles and miles while staying put.
Okay, who are we kidding? I love the idea of seeing through new existential eyes, but I want sand. I want sunsets.
I want sleep.
When’s the last time you took a vacation? Have things in your life – kids, career, etc – put a damper on your traveling? Have you ever experienced this new eyes thing, the sense that you are seeing things anew? Any great vacation recommendations (ideally 4-5 day trip, not a uber-long flight)?
We aren’t big vacationers without the kids, either. Well, we aren’t big vacationers, period!! We went to Bermuda last year for 4 days, and away for 2 nights the year before for our 10th anniversary, and before that I think it was 2005. I love that Proust quote; it’s one of my favorites. I love what you say about the journey to right here. I’m on my own similar trip and I love knowing you’re right there next to me. xox
Side-by-side journeys to right here. I love this. How did you like Bermuda? I’ve been wanting to go there for some time. xox
I’ve always loved that Proust quote. Even though I’ve never actually read anything by him — ha!
Okay, so now I am thinking I haven’t read anything by him either which makes me feel kind of strange about using this quote. But I guess we can love words even without understanding their grander context or their author, right?
Totally! I think sometimes a little snippet of something can mean more if you don’t know the larger context. Half of my favorite quotes are from authors I’ve never read.
Okay, good to know I am not alone in this! Husband and I just saw Woody Allen’s latest movie To Rome With Love and there was this character who was the brooding struggling artist type and she knew one line from every poet and rattled it off in an effort to impress… As long as I am never like that
Husband and I haven’t gone on a trip(more than a weekend) alone in 8 years. But that’s ok. We like going places with our boys. Traveling with kids becomes less of a chore and more interesting as the kids get older.
You would like powdery sand, awesome sunsets, a short plane ride, and a relaxed atmosphere? Check out Siesta Key, FL.
http://www.visitsarasota.org/
The truth is we haven’t taken vacations withthe girls either. This is mainly because we tend to spend Husband’s vacation time doing things with our respective extended families. For instance, we are going to Cape Cod with Husband’s fam next week. And this will be a ton of fun but it is still not a true vacation for our family, you know? I guess this a whole separate issue? How to protect time for just your immediate family when you are fortunate enough to be tight with both your families of origin? Will check out the link because your description sounds divine! Thanks, Erica.
I look for your posts each morning when I get up. They become a mantra for my day…thank you! I am craving palm trees and an itty bitty break from my four munchkins as well. And thank you for the Proust quote. He was one of my dad’s favorites. We had planned to read together and discuss but he died before we had a chance…..
Sending you wishes for a lovely day with your little ones!
Thanks, Julie. Is it bad that I read your comment and feel an immediate twinge of envy that you have four kiddos? Ah, the four kid thing! And what you say about your dad? It so hits home for me. I often think about all of the interesting conversations I would have with Dad if he were still around. Looking back, I don’t think I listened to him enough. He was a philosopher and talked and talked sometimes and I rolled my eyes a bit and hurried him through his stories because I didn’t get it… And now I would do anything to just see him and talk about anything. Tricky to think about.
Thank you so so much for your kind words about my words. That you come here each morning means the world.
Oh Aidan, I hear you on the 4 kids thing. We can feel envious together.
What’s interesting (to me) is that I am really starting to feel finished – meaning that I think I am really accepting, and happy, being done with three. That said, I still feel that little pang which maybe means there’s a bit of longing left? Alas
My last two are twins. They were a surprise – a wonderful and fabulous surprise. I have a feeling you know your heart really well and will follow it…either way will lead to happiness for you!
My dad was a lover of literature and The New Yorker. I, too, wish I had listened more. I have a feeling we share some similar thoughts on losing our fathers. My dad’s dream was for me to write and his death made me focus on my writing but I would (obviously)gladly trade the writing for my dad anyday. But it’s also a way for me to connect with his memory. And I would say you have inherited some of your father’s love of philosophizing.
We must talk more about all of this at some point… I have given it a lot of thought and I think that I really became a writer when I lost Dad. It still gives me chills to think the first thing I “published” was his death announcement in the New York Times… And, yes, when I ask the big questions and feel them shake me I think of him, who he was, and how he lives on. Thanks so much, Julie. xxo
Hello there…found you via another blog I love. My husband and I have not been away since ours was born in 2007 either. This is our 10 year anniversary so we decided to go for it and planned a 5 day trip to Costa Rica. I am not sure about the time from New York? The cost was great and there is MUCH to do with drinking…surfing, hiking volcanoes, watching sea turtles. Or just spend 5 days in awe that you are alone with your husband? I am pretty sure that is what I will be doing!
Best of luck and I am glad I stumbled upon you here.
Best,
Tina
So happy you found your way here, Tina! I have heard AMAZING things about Costa Rica and I don’t think it is too far from here. We will certainly check it out because it seems a bit more “lazy” than a regular old beach vacation. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with lazy. I am so craving lazy right now! I do hope you return to ADR
Look forward to checking out your site, too!
Ben and I took a couple’s trip about 1.5 years ago. It was amazing. I know that you and your husband will absolutely appreciate taking a trip together where you two can re-connect.
As for the family vacation? With just you 5? I know what you mean by using vacation time to spend with extended family. We very rarely go on vacation with just us; however, I want to wait until they are a little bit older and won’t, um, whine the entire time.
I know that we will have the best time. Don’t think we would actually do this until next winter, but it’s still fun and exciting to think about. And, yes, we will likely put off big family vacations until the girls are a bit older and able to roll with it. 2-3 years maybe?
Paris always does it for me for history, romance,style and fine food..or south of France this time of year is just perfect. When I lived in NYC I often popped down to the carribean which is totally relaxing. St Barts, Barbados or go to the Ocean club in the bahamas. I am now a west coast mama I head to southern california or hawaii from the bay area. Its hard to get away from the kids on so many levels but great to invest in you and your man time!
Oh how I love Paris. That’s not a bad idea actually… Beautiful hotel, yummy meals, a pinch of shopping. That could be just as yummy as sand
We are actually going to visit my sis in Santa Barbara in August for the first time. Will I like it? Can’t wait!! Thanks!!
Even when our boys grew up and went out on their own I realized we were always too “busy” to go on a vacation and get away from it all. Last year we started what we call our “all-star” break. In sports every team has an all-star break in the middle of the season for just a short time. Our “all-star” break is always the weekend before the 4th of July. Coincidentally that’s this weekend!!! So I’m off to Vegas! (short flight from me). BTW – I haven’t had a drink in 10 years and look at Vegas now with very different eyes!
Love this All-Star thing. So so cool. And 10 years? Amazing. I would love to hear more. And Vegas without booze? That’s got to be interesting. Have a fabulous time this weekend, Lucy!
Hmmmm. We travel a lot. We tend to do at least one kid trip and one non-kid trip per year. (Except that this year’s trips are all turning out to be kid trips.) After our older son was born we warmed up by taking multiple shorter trips – 4-day weekends in New York, DC, etc – without him. Then last year, when IEP was 2.5, we did 10 days in Ireland and he went on vacation to his grandparents and had a big time!
We made the decision early on that we care a lot about travel and that we weren’t willing to put that part of our lives on hold just because we had kids. In these early years that has meant that we take some trips without them (the international ones) and that we tailor the others to suit their interests and stamina. Next year we hope to do our first international trip with the kids, which means that we’ll do our smaller domestic trips as a couple. Everybody gets their turn!
So wonderful that you guys vowed to keep your traveling alive even after the boys came along. I admire this. (I also regret that we didn’t do some bigger trips before the girls arrived. Alas.) I have a good friend (Hi, Tree!) who has not let her little kids put a damper on their travel at all. Just recently, they took there two small girls to China and had a great time. I was so impressed and envious!
A lot of this comes down to time. Husband doesn’t get a ton of vacation and so much of it is eaten up by wonderful gatherings with family… Definitely a conundrum we are lucky to have. Btw, I went to Ireland when I was ten and all I remember is that it was so GREEN – and also being chased by dogs on the grounds of the hotel we were staying at! Weird!
Our first trip without the kids was for our 10th anniversary, 4 years ago, to Paris for 5 days (our kids were then 7 and 4). It was weird at first, we missed our kids desperately and talked about them incessantly. But as we settled into our surroundings, our conversations turned to different topics, we went to fabulous, chickenfinger-free restaurants and relished our time together. Since then, we have gone to Napa for my 40th bday and Istanbul, Turkey for my husband’s 40th. This summer, with both our kids at sleepaway camp, we are going up to Montreal/Quebec City for a few days. We also travel with our kids but these trips have been particularly special and important for our marriage because they remind us that we really enjoy each other separate and apart from our roles as mommy and daddy.
I realize none of the places we’ve traveled to have been particularly close by, but they were all fabulous. Wherever you go, have a blast and I promise you will return refreshed and thrilled to see your girls. Enjoy.
I adore Napa. I have only been once and I was sixteen weeks pregnant with Little Girl at the time which was a bit cruel. If we do that, we will certainly wait until my year without wine is up
I do realize that wherever we go, we will have a good time and it is much more about just getting away. That said, I do want to go somewhere beautiful and relaxing and fun!
Lol, I am horrible for even mentioning it. Yes, do not torture yourself by going to Napa now. But next year, if you decide to go, I will tell you that the Jelly Belly factory and Mrs. Grossman’s sticker factory are not too far and made great side trips for fun kid presents.
Not horrible at all
Those sound like great – and appropriate side trips should we go!
The last non family vacation that did not involve children that I took was great, except it was 1998.
But I have to say that I went to Lake Placid a couple of years ago and was pleasantly surprised by how much fun we had.
Since I am on the opposite coast of you I end up in Vegas with some regularity too. Always fun to see a show, eat good food and hit the tables.
I have heard wonderful things about Lake Placid… someone was just raving about the Lake Placid Lodge, I think. And Vegas? I’ve been once and had a ton of fun but don’t know if I could do that again! My husband is currently there on business; I’m sure he will return with some stories!
I don’t have kids, so any vacation could be a theoretical childless vacation except for the fact I don’t think I’ve ever been on a real vacation in my adult life the sense of going somewhere for the hell of it. If I travel it always seems to be for conferences or to visit family.
Yeah, I don’t think it’s necessarily about having kids… I think we grow up and are pulled in a million directions by life and end up not doing these things. Maybe this is just reality, huh?
Currently missing my negotiated annual 17-day vacation to where the temperatures don’t run in the 100s day after day. The rest of the family is there.
Just in time for my kids to be wonderful young adults, I’m needed for taking care of parents and an aunt. Love them dearly but sometimes it’s hard because I didn’t plan this interruption as carefully as I planned the arrival of children.
Hoping for enough stability on the home front for me to sneak up there for a few days towards the end of my family’s vacation. Fingers crossed.
When I write I take a 17 day vacation every year many may think something like, “All I want is 4 days!” It’s like me looking at my teacher husband knowing he gets as much vacation in a year as I get in 4 years. It takes me the first week of vacation to quit thinking about work. By the second week I’m pretty care free. Then I’m back to work for the next almost 50 weeks. Considering the number of Americans who are unemployed, I try to be grateful but today I just wish I were up north too.
Oh, that’s tough that you are not able to go. Life does have a way of intervening like this, huh? I totally agree that it is hard to stop thinking about work or responsibilities and then once you are there, blissed out, it’s time to go back. Argh. Am actually pondering a bit of a blog vacation this summer although it’s tricky because I love this place so much and it’s hard for me to stay away! Thanks, Karin!
We love to travel with our boys. Our older one just started his residency so I am certain we won’t be going with him anywhere. Our little one is eleven and we plan trips together. I was fortunate to go to Rome two years ago and Paris last year with my best friend. My husband doesn’t mind because he goes on extreme fishing adventures. Since you want sand and sun I would recommend Key West. It’s a fun place and you will relax.
I’ve been to Key West but many years ago and only for a few days. I remember liking it a lot and would be thrilled to go back. What’s your son’s specialty? I remember when my sister did her internal medicine residency and it was not a year with leisure time
His specialty is Emergency Medicine.
I just celebrated a birthday 2 weeks ago. Birthdays are a good time to see with a different set of eyes; the eyes of faih. I remember thinking I want to do something extraordinary this year, something different, but it has to be God’s will always.
Birthdays are interesting and eye-opening times. I think there is something profound and elucidating about officially gaining that one year of existence. Tomorrow is Big Girl’s half birthday. I’m pretty sure she is more pumped about the possibility of cupcakes than the possibility of new eyes
happy belated half birthday to your Big Girl!
Thanks!
The last year or so I have made a bigger effort to travel more. Since it is just me it is easier to get away. This spring I did a cruise with a few friends from my college days…I was worried it would be cheesy but we had a blast. I would have loved more time in the Caymans. So beautiful. I spent a long weekend a few weeks ago in the bay area. San Fran was fun but I think I enjoyed Palo Alto even more. The friend I was visiting is a Stanford alum and showed me all the “local” spots. I am sure wherever you choose it will be a blast! Cape Cod sounds amazing too!
The cruise sounds like so much fun. I can imagine you came away from that one with some good stories? And I ADORE San Fran. There is just something a little bit quaint and dreamy about it… Thanks so much, Emily! Perhaps I will have to live vicariously through your travels!
Absolutely some good stories. Most notably : sharing vodka with a man who turned out to be a Minnesota Viking and locking myself in a bathroom. I intend to have the least family friendly vacations while I can!
Oh my goodness. I love this. And of course want to hear MUCH MORE of this story. Come on, fess up! Maybe I can work it into a future novel
Anyway, have fun!! I remember my family unfriendly vacations very fondly. One in particular – a trip to Club Med in Turks with my younger sister… Man oh man was that fun. Feels like a million zillion years ago. Thanks, Emily!
Turks is on my list too! After one too many flaming Dr Peppers at Margaritaville in Grand Cayman we met some vey nice gentlemen on our tender and passed around a much unneeded bottle of vodka. Turns out the “consultant” was actually one of the safetys for the Vikings. Fairly easy on the eyes.
That incident may or may not have led to the locking myself in the bathroom shortly thereafter. No worries though, security heard a girl yelling for help and four men came to my rescue. So embarrassing but so fun.
Oh my. I LOVE this. This is life, Emily. You know that, right? I hope you continue to tell your stories here. They will keep us all young
Time for a vacay!
Indeed. As Big Girl would say, “Roger that.” Thanks, B! Have a great weekend.
Oh, girlfriend! You deserve to get out! Hope it happens soon for you. The hubs and I have a 5-year-old daughter and love traveling with her but it would be fun to think of a “just us” vay-cay sometime…
It will happen one of these days and then I will write about it and surely wax poetic on how important it was for me to go and how wonderful it was to return. Thanks so much, Melisa!
My husband is a BIG adventure guy, so we get to do some fun things. We’ve rafted rivers and hiked mountains. If it’s up to me? I’m like you, I take the adventures inward, changing my landscape from inside out.
Adventures inward… I love that. I have never been overly adventurous, but I am getting interested in trying new things. Don’t think I will go skydiving anytime soon, but baby steps, right? Oh, and love the idea of the internal landscape. Such a rich metaphor. Thanks, Rebecca. Happy Saturday!
Hi Aidan, I’ve not commented in a while but your words really struck a chord – I’m writing this from the south of France where I’m having my first full week off from work in 9 months – it is so blissful to really forget work. I guess if your work is your passion (your kids, your writing) then it’s easier to take with you and not mind!
We are as yet kidless but our holiday is with 4 other couples one of whom have just had a little boy four weeks ago – so he’s now getting stacks of attention, the parents are able to give him to someone else and get some sleep…
Re family – I love spending time with family but because of our time constraints we each tend to go and see our parents alone rather than as a couple, and for a few long weekends through the year.
The South of France? Okay, I am insanely envious. I have been there and I have such fond, fresh memories. I hope you are having a wonderful time and enjoy this phase before kids. Looking back, I kind of wish Husband and I had reveled in our untethered time a bit more, but I guess we were appropriately clueless and had no clue what it meant to be so tethered… Alas. So interesting that you guys go visit your families separately. I could see how that arrangement might work well. As for the couple with the 4 week old baby? They are so lucky to be surrounded by such loving friends at such a blurry and sleepless friends. So wonderful. Thanks, Yvann – so happy to see you back here. xox
I would suggest going to Barbados. I have friends who live there and have been twice for a visit. The beaches are gorgeous, the colour(s) of the water/sky just blow me away, the weather is warm/hot, the sea water is warm. It was the first time I ever went scuba diving without a wetsuit. Great place. As for holidays, I am in the fortunate position of taking lots of them to many different, wonderful places. Travel is right up there with my very top passions in life. I feel very fortunate to have been and seen so many wonderful places.
Have heard wonderful things about Barbados. Have a good friend who goes every winter and loves it. Am envious of your extensive and varied travel. One day, maybe? Thanks, Tessa.
We do lots of little trips . Road trips to Santa Barbara, camping, and this past year we tagged along on husbands conference in Cancun, Mexico. But we have yet to do anything without kids. A couple of years ago we had the chance but my heart just wasn’t in the planning. I feel more ready now though and our ten year anniversary is next year so maybe then…
Do a 10 year anniversary trip!! I just spoke to a friend who did this. They went to Paris and had a great time. So fun that you do little trips. I am visiting my sister in Santa Barbara later this summer. Have been told that I will fall in love with the place. Do you agree? Thanks, Kathryn.