Are Men Wired to Cheat?

Posted On: 06.20.12

We had friends over for a casual night of beverages and bites. Barefoot kids swarmed around us, wearing winter hats and wielding wikkistix lassos, riveted by some thief game they’d invented. The whole scene was straight out of a Wes Anderson movie. (Go see the quirky and fabulous Moonrise Kingdom, by the way.)

We adults talked. We talked about many things. Interesting things. Toward the end of the evening, the conversation veered to infidelity. We all admitted that we’ve been privy to some sad cheating stories recently. One of our friends, a very smart man whom Husband and I respect and adore, had a theory. A theory which is decidedly not new. That theory?

Men cheat. They are biologically wired to cheat.

He said something along the lines of: Men marry and mean well, but in the end, they are animals and most of them will stray. He also suggested that we women really shouldn’t expect otherwise, or be so shocked by any of this.

And it wasn’t so much that I was shocked – I have friends and acquaintances who are weathering storms of infidelity as I write these words – but I was saddened. And a bit scared. Why? Because I am married. To a man I love. To a man I love and trust as much as it is possible to love and trust someone. It’s not that the conversation shook my faith in my own marriage, but rather that it opened my eyes to a potential and no doubt depressing reality.

I am choosing to shelve my friend’s theory as just that – a theory. One I will discuss on a blog rather than worry about in my life. Naive? So be it.

Thoughts on this theory? Do you think men are biologically wired to be unfaithful? What about women? Have you witnessed infidelity in your own relationship or in the relationships of those you know? Have any of these instances of cheating shocked you, i.e. happened to couples you thought were “good”?

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38 Comments for: "Are Men Wired to Cheat?"
  1. Sabine

    If men are animals, surely women are animals too?
    Stephen King and Terry Pratchett, to name two men, have stated that they were happily married and monogamous by nature. That may be a white lie, but maybe not. The reasons for cheating are more complex than a mere biological urge in my opinion, and they have to do with the state of the couple and of the person. Besides, cheating itself is not only the satisfaction of a primeval want. It brings all sorts of complications, including how to keep it secret, and for some, facing guilt. Even men, who are construed to be mere animals, know that.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Yes, we women are animals too. Absolutely. Our conversation was for some reason really about men, but I think it would be just as interesting to explore the animalistic (a word?) essence of women. I’ve read that about Steven King and love to hear a strong and talented man saying that. And I do believe that there are men who are truly monogamous. This is obviously (a fascinating) iteration of the nature/nurture debate and I’m honestly curious to see where it goes. Thanks for your words, Sabine!

  2. Whitney

    I disagree with your friend’s theory, though I know a lot of people share his thoughts. I don’t think any of us, men nor women, are “wired” for infidelity. I do believe the notion that we are animals and are therefore “wired” for reproduction and thus for sex. Many of us choose to fulfill that need with one person for the rest of our lives…hence, marriage. If someone doesn’t make that choice, that’s their decision, and they can fulfill their needs with as many partners as they choose.

    But to say that because we are animals, men will cheat, seems a silly notion and a somewhat sad excuse for someone who can’t control himself. There are some animals that choose their one mate and never have another (like wolves, swans, vultures, etc.). Maybe some of us are like those animals and some are like others who have many mates (like dolphins or elk). I think the trouble comes in when a dolphin tries to pretend he’s a wolf…there’s just no way for that to work. Hard as he may try, a dolphin can never be a wolf.

    Good thing I married a wolf!

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Okay, I love your last line. Might become something of a mantra :)

      Your comment is really thoughtful here and I think I agree with you. Yes, there is a question of biological tendencies, but there is so much involved in the behavioral equation. I also think we are underestimating men to conclude that they don’t ultimately have a “choice” to commit, and remain committed. I have encountered a few of these creatures. One is currently playing “taxi cab” with three little girls on my kitchen floor :)

      That said, I feel vulnerable on this topic as a woman. And I’m not sure why because I do feel great about my own marriage. Maybe the concept of cheating just gives me the willies. Maybe it’s more than that. Worth exploring though, no?

      Thanks, Whitney!!

  3. Shelby

    Well…if we really get into biology, men might be more wired to cheat because in the olden days they’re the ones who had to spread their seed. You were considered biologically successful if you passed on your genes – therefore, in order to show their genetic supremacy, men (cavemen?) had more than one mate. In short: more babies = better genes.

    But we’re now in the 21st century, and we know that that isn’t true. Dare I say, when I was learning about that in my evolution class, my professor made it seem as though it’s totally normal.

    BUT, interestingly enough, I read an article on the NYT a couple years ago, about how cheating might be genetic: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/10/tracking-the-science-of-commitment/

    Now THAT was thought provoking.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Cannot wait to check out the link. The idea that cheating might be genetic is beyond fascinating. Thanks, Shelby!

  4. Sam

    I disagree with the theory that “men are wired to cheat,” as a generality. I think that some men might be wired that way. Some women might be too. But I think that is besides the point. I think that often this debate is simplified so much that we forget a really important component. Choice. I read something really interesting about marriage and infidelity lately where a woman wrote “Adultery isn’t an event, it’s a process with an event at the end.” I think she is right. I think cheating is a series of choices made over time that leads to the so-called “main event.” We are all conscious and thinking beings, and we choose our choices, so to speak. so deciding that cheating is simply a biological inevitability for all men that should not surprise the women who love them is an explanation I simply can not accept.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      The concept of adultery as a process is really intriguing, and makes sense to me. I think we too often focus on the big dramatic “plot points” if you will, and forget to examine the subtleties, the nuances, the signs that predated these events. I think there is also something encouraging in seeing things this way in that if we are awake and aware we can perhaps sense the build-up of something bad. I loved this comment, and like you, I am a fervent believer in choice. Thanks, Sam!

  5. Anonymous

    I think that the happiness of a marriage is a factor in this “cheating” discussion. Now, in my opinion, infidelity is never, ever an acceptable reaction to an unhappy or broken marriage, but I’m not naive, it happens. And I think that often, when we hear of infidelity, what follows it are tales of a marriage riddled with problems. At least in my experience. And rather than try and fix what is broken, or accept together that whatever the problem is can not be fixed, cheating happens. It is sad, and it is unfortunate, but it is also a reality. And I don’t necessarily think that the cheater is “wired” to cheat. I think he or she made the choice.

    I know a man. A beautiful, thoughtful, caring and generous man who married very, very young, a few months after college graduation. And about seven years ago, after only 2 years of marriage, his wife confessed to cheating on him. They divorced. Fast forward seven years. She is married again, and as far as I know is very happy. He is married again as well, and it is a good and happy and solid marriage filled with love, honesty and respect. I know this because it is my marriage. And that beautiful man is my man. My forever man.

    Those young kids who marriage nine years ago were very, very wrong for each other. But they are both very, very right for the people they married the second time around, all these years later. I don’t think that she was wired to cheat, or is necessarily a bad person for having done so. I think she chose cheating as a way out of a marriage that never should have happened. A bad choice maybe, but a choice nonetheless.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Wow. I can’t tell you how powerful this is. This is such a critical addition to the conversation. I do think people turn to cheating to find a way out of a relationship that is damaged, or broken. Thank you for sharing this. I encourage people to leave anonymous comments like this one here because I do think they add a great deal to the discussion. Thank you.

  6. Aidan Donnelley Rowley

    I asked this question on Twitter this morning – Are men wired to cheat? – and I got a funny, and true, response that I wanted to share here:

    “Men ARE wired to cheat. Men are also wired to murder, steal and eat greasy food. It’s tough being civilized.”

    Love it. (And believe it, too.)

  7. Really great comments here today. I want to piggy-back off of Sabine’s comment. She wrote, “The reasons for cheating are more complex than a mere biological urge in my opinion, and they have to do with the state of the couple and of the person” and I think she’s absolutely right.

    I suspect that cheating is sometimes (often?) due to the dissatisfaction with the relationship as a whole, not just the sexual piece of it. When we rely too much on a single person to fulfill all of our needs we will almost certainly be disappointed. No one can be everything to us. We can have many different relationships to fill many different needs. The kicker, though, is sex. That’s the one thing that we can’t go outside of marriage to get. And that means that it’s up to both members of the couple to wade through any dissatisfactions or incompatibilities together.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      I agree with you – and wholeheartedly, too – that we cannot rely on a single human being to satisfy all of our needs. I also agree that the sex part makes things tricky because that is, and should be, left to the married couple to explore and figure out. Now you have me wondering how many people cheat out of sexual dissatisfaction/curiosity/impulse and how many do so for other (emotional, existential) reasons… Thanks for chiming in, Gale. xox

  8. The thing about this conversation that always strikes me is that it is almost alway phrased as “Are men” with the suggestion that women don’t really do this.

    It is not true and I know that some of the previous commenters mentioned it, but it always sort of grinds on my nerves.

    Life is often far less simple than we would like it to be.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      I hear you, Jack. As we were having this conversation, I did ask why we were only talking about men and I think the consensus was not that women don’t cheat (they do) but that there is more of a question of historical biological roles and men… I don’t pretend to know any of this biological stuff, but I think that was the slant. Do you think people still talk about men as “the cheaters” more than women because I feel like I hear stories about infidelity on both sides… Interesting.

  9. Like others, I disagree with the notion that “men are wired to cheat” only because this biological component exists in both sexes. If we look at our ancestors and animals in the wild, it is very rare for animals to have life-long partners. The difference in humans is that we have evolved to living in communities. Regardless of biological tendencies, the best communities are built on a monogamous couple and their offspring.

    When a couple decides to enter a relationship, whether it is marriage or cohabiting, they are making the choice of monogamy. Unless they have an agreement in which an open marriage is an option, or they come to that agreement later on in their marriage, it is both partners’ responsibility to remain chaste to each other.

    My husband and I have had this discussion numerous times. Attraction to people outside of our marriage is natural and will happen. We don’t live in a box and we don’t want to live in a box, but we have made a commitment to each other to remain faithful. If either one of us is dissatisfied with our sexual relationship, or our marriage, we can either exit the relationship – through divorce or separation – or figure out different options.

    As other commenters have mentioned, cheating in a relationship usually happens because of on-going marital struggles. Perhaps if society were more open to marriage therapy – and not equate it with divorce – cheating would happen less.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      All such interesting points, Amber. I am particularly taken by your last one – I wonder if marital counseling were more the norm, there would be less cheating. I imagine that would help, but part of me suspects that many instances of infidelity happen because of opportunity, and defiance, and an unwillingness to address what’s going on (or not going on) in the marriage. It should be noted that I have zero clue what I am talking about here :)

  10. Dara

    Women are actually closing the gender gap on this topic:

    http://abcnews.go.com/Health/women-cheating-men-study/story?id=13885519

    Though there is a FASCINATING book called SEX AT DAWN that explains why your friend might actually be right. Male hormone levels may be to blame:

    http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/dating-blog/why-men-have-flings

    And strangely in my own experience (highly unscientific), it’s my female friends that have cheated (or wanted to cheat) and broken up their marriages, not my male friends.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Dara – So interesting that most of the “cheaters” (terrible label, huh?) you know are women. I feel like it’s the opposite for me but that might be because I have a greater network of women friends and acquaintances and people are more inclined to talk about being betrayed than betraying? Who knows. I look forward to checking out the links here and that book does sound fascinating. Hope you’re enjoying the new gig and that delightful little babe. xox

      • Dara

        Funny enough, the new gig is on a show dedicated entirely to the subject of infidelity, so this has very much been on my mind. Love the redesign and congrats on all milestones in the Rowley clan. –D

  11. Wired, not wired. I don’t think I really care anymore. Cheating is not the worst thing I can imagine at this point in my marriage. My husband and I will celebrate 25 years in January.

    My worst fear? I go back to death and boredom, which both are fairly … poignant.

    I think if you keep a marriage vital (a cure for both death and boredom) the fidelity issue seems to take care of itself.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Rebecca – thank you for this really thoughtful and interesting take. I think I forget that families can weather things that are even more difficult and complicated than infidelity. I forget this even though I see it all the time – illness, loss, etc. I really do appreciate you coming at this from a different angle. Now you have this whole “death and boredom” thing echoing in my head… Perhaps another post? We shall see. xox

  12. Elijah

    It’s interesting I think that no one has focused on the tension between “wired” and “cheat.”. By wired you probably mean an innate impulse that predates history and, in fact, was locked-in at the time that we evolved into our current species at least 100,000 years ago: homo sapien sapien. But “cheat” is a completely social construct, and a relatively modern one at that because it springs out of the modern, and also socially constructed notions of loyalty, commitment and the institution of marriage. Dogs may be loyal and swans may be monogamous but not because they think it’s ethical or the right thing to do but because it leads to greater survival of their DNA. Conversely, male bulls or apes try to spread their seed as much as possible, but also for greater survival. Bulls can’t cheat because neither bulls nor cows have any idea what that is. (neither do worms, bacteria, or even swans).

    Women have more to gain from a monogamous partner than men do in terms of the survival of their respective DNA. In a way, the whole notion of marriage and monogamy is a social construct that benefits women more thus leading to nefarious terms like “cheating” and the social consequences that come with it (e.g. less money in a divorce, shunning).

    To answer your question more directly, it might be a better answer to simply say that men are wired to have sex with many people. It is merely the timing of a person’s marriages and divorces that turns a sexual act from cheating to not cheating.

    • TJ

      Elijah,

      Excellent points here and you captured much of what I wanted to express. Certainly there is an evolutionary benefit to males spreading as many sperm as widely as possible to increase the number of offspring. I would venture to say that’s where hormones come in–those with higher testosterone levels may have been more effective at this in ancient times. My partner and I have these discussions frequently, approaching many relationship issues from the standpoints of biology (he’s a scientist and I have some background as well) and current social constructs.
      Thanks for your thoughts and Jack–yours as well. I know more women than men comment on Aidan’s blog and I think your insights are important…especially in this kind of discussion.

      • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

        TJ – Thanks for chiming in and encouraging our male commenters. I always love Jack’s take on things and Elijah’s comment was thoughtful and enlightening. For all reading, encourage the men in your life to get on here and comment!

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Really. I am someone who cares a lot about diction and I never thought about how I was juxtaposing something natural/biological with something constructed/fashioned. Very interesting to think about. I appreciate that you approach this from a DNA standpoint… and also that you are raising the question of “labeling” and of social judgments. And, finally, the point you make about men being wired to have sex with many people vs. being wired to cheat is well taken.

      As TJ says in her comments, I tend to get more women commenting here than men, but I would love more than anything for that to balance out more as I think the conversations that emerge here would undoubtedly benefit from a more diverse participation in them. I do hope you come back!

  13. Anonymous

    If my story helps someone else, then it’s worth telling. I cheated on my now ex-husband after seven years of marriage. We had a 17-month old son at the time (this was 2005). According to a lot of statistics on who has extramarital affairs, I was in the very small percentage of women with a young child who went outside of my marriage. It was definitely for the emotional connection to someone who saw me as more than a stay-at-home mom, house keeper, nanny, cook, etc. My husband was married to his job. I freelanced part-time from home, but didn’t have enough interaction with other creative-minded people. There were days, especially when my son was an infant, that his father didn’t see him awake.

    I felt like a single parent, living in a too-big house I didn’t want, and going through the motions. I was angry, resentful and extremely unhappy. He thought I just needed an anti-depressant. I didn’t need drugs; I needed to be honest with myself in what I wanted from life and the marriage. I didn’t feel heard or understood even when I tried to communicate with him. Long story short, an old friendship flared into something more. I should have left my marriage instead of having the affair, yes. I think in large part due to the guilt I experienced during those five months, the sex wasn’t all that good. But the emotional connection for me was HUGE.

    When I came clean to my ex, he said of a million women, he would have pegged me least capable of cheating. So…even “good girls” do it. People would be naive to think it will never happen to them–no matter how good their partnership or marriage. It takes constant work to maintain the emotional closeness that keeps partners together.

    So I guess my words of wisdom in this discussion to men and women wanting to maintain a loving, committed relationship would be to know themselves, discuss what they need and want in life with their partner and to listen to what their partner wants/needs. Experience life together…don’t wait until the future and talk about all you will do when you make X amount of money, etc. My ex always talked about what we could do in 5 years, 10 years…forgetting the importance of the now. One of my favorite quotes from Thich Nhat Hanh: “People sacrifice the present for the future. But life is available only in the present. That is why we should walk in such a way that every step can bring us to the here and the now.”

    It took me years to forgive myself for what I see as the biggest wrong I’ve done in my life and to stop hating myself. But I know myself so much better now. I wouldn’t wish anyone to be on either side of an affair—it hurts everyone involved.

    I am open to commenting further/answering questions.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Wow. Thank you for telling your story here – a story that I’m sure will help, and enlighten, many. I can only imagine that you are describing a situation that sounds familiar to too many. I think it is so wonderful and important that you’ve been able to forgive yourself for what happened a long time ago. It is clear to me that you are a good and thoughtful person and the reality is that people make mistakes. We are all human.

  14. Anonymous

    My partner cheated. He used to have this flirtation attitude. He denied it by saying he simply being honest. Not long after he knew that I knew, the three of us accidentally met. The missus accused me for not putting enough support for him and my partner defence me right away right there. I did not say anything.

    It was five years ago. I decided to forgive him. He decided to commit himself. We both changed. It was not easy. The wound is still there, a reminder for both us the cost of infidelity. It’s a cliché but it takes two to tango.

    Wired or not, I don’t really know. But I do know, human is good in making justification and playing the blame game. If I can blame the gene, it will be so much better. However, for my case, it is caused not by gene or sex but our own fault and ignorance. Now that we decided to stay together that is because of our love and commitment.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Again, wow. Thank you for sharing this. I think I’m going to write a whole post on the importance of anonymity when it comes to telling these things. I want to make sure that everyone reading here is aware that they can say things totally anonymously here… Your story – of a big struggle followed by a big forgiveness – is inspiring to say the least.

  15. As a man, I don’t think we’re wired to cheat–when I was married for 9 nine years, I didn’t cheat on my wife once, even while deployed as a sailor–but I definitely think it’s harder for us NOT to cheat. As a fitness trainer and college student, I’m around young, beautiful in-shape women all the time, and I admit, I sometimes want them all! LOL But, I’m older now (40), so I understand the consequences of trying to inject my “pee-pee” in everything way better than I did at 25.

    In my opinion, to stay fully invested in a relationship, each partner should strive to do the same things they did when they were trying to attract each other in the beginning–whether that be dressing up in nice clothes, staying in shape, willing to have “fun” in different places, being adventurous, etc. I think the fire burns out only if we allow it.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Wow. Thanks for this, James. I think that you are right – we all need to stay disciplined about how we care for ourselves. There are far too many stories of people letting themselves go after marrying. I am with you that it is important to continue to work on our adventurousness and attractiveness. Point very well-taken. I do hope you come back to read and comment on future posts. I am always thrilled with a thoughtful male perspective!

  16. From the perspective of someone who studies primate social behavior and endocrinology, absolutely no! The idea that men or women are “wired” to do anything is incredibly reductionist. That said, were are a strongly-pair bonded species. Marriage of some form is a cross-cultural universal. However, those marriages range between monogamous, polyandrous (one women-multiple men), and polygynous (one man-many women). Cross-cultural evidence indicates that polyandry is the rarest, and that polygamous cultures slightly outnumber monogamous cultures. But even in societies with polygyny, the majority of marriages are often monogamous because only the wealthiest/highest status men have multiple wives.
    So, we are probably on a monogamy-polygamy continuum. So there probably are some competing tendencies towards both, that are mediated via hormonal mechanisms.

    But, you also have to realize that both men and women have a lot of the same hormones, it’s just the concentrations and receptors in the brain that may differ. But progesterone can be converted to testosterone, and testosterone can be converted to estrogen. Male sex drive is actually driven by testosterone that is converted to estradiol in the brain (as my behavioral endocrinology professor put it, the “girly” hormone is responsible for men being getting horny). So we need to be careful in the mistaken in blaming male bad behavior on testosterone.

    I’ve read some interesting literature about testosterone in men and women in different type of relationships (including in-person vs. long-distance, straight, lesbian, and gay couples), and it’s really nuanced and complicated! But what’s interesting is that just as their are multiple sexual orientations, we may also have multiple relationship orientations… some men may be more inclined toward polygamy than monogamy. The same continuum likely exists for women.

    This is such a fascinating topic, and it’s one I’ve wanted to write a blog post about for ages. But to do it well, I really need to re-research all of this stuff and make sure I get my facts and references right, which is too much work while I’m trying to write my dissertation.

    Agustin Fuentes has written recently about these topics in his Psychology Today blog:

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/busting-myths-about-human-nature/201205/marriage-and-pair-bonds

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/busting-myths-about-human-nature/201205/men-and-women-are-the-same-species

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Thank you so much for this incredibly informed response. As I’m sure you and others were quick to gather, I tossed this question out there casually – too casually? – as a discussion point. To be frank, I am ignorant about the science on all of this – which is why it is so fascinating and amazing to have you (and a few others here) chime in with a greater foundation. I do hope you write a post about this when you can snag the time because I have no doubt it would be informative and intriguing. Look forward to checking out the links you have here. Good luck with the dissertation!

  17. Lynda

    The question of fidelity comes from so many angles. Culture differences, religions, so on and so forth. Biologically?

    What about moral and personal responsibility? The lack of standards in this society encourages that you are cool because you have bedded what numbers? You measurements are what?(male or female) What are you flashing as your credentials?

    These behaviors influence biological tendencies, do they not? What standards of decency we used to adhere to are no longer present, taught, demonstrated,or given as important.
    Instead, fix those teeth. Shop. Show that flesh. Bed those numbers. If you are in a relationship, “EXPECT THERE TO BE CHEATING?”!!! Where’s the camera?
    A very limited and pessimistic view point,I agree, but I hope you can follow my sad yet true line of ranting?

    Being monogamous is a moral choice, bolstered by one’s healthy self esteem, being physically healthy and understanding what is important in life. One truly loves the other you have chosen as your mate. As we can see, I don’t think bedding numbers is a valid goal in life, biologically or personally. I don’t think we should have sex with only one person; instead, I think when we commit to only one person we commit to being with only one person. A sneaky little word pops up here: Discipline.

    We are creatures of love and our love soars to it’s greatest depths because we live truly loving others and giving ourselves the gift of a long term, monogamous relationship. When we put the brakes on having sex with whatever is around?(for the camera’s view?) When we stop going to bed just because it is as common as sharing a coke? We learn the beauty of friends. Respect. Boundaries that bring a deeper richness to life. Our raison d’etra is to become the best we can be, each being unique. Being me means not being spread so thin that I am bits of all those others. I wish for my bits to be the ones that I truly loved and they actually loved me too. I’m not a group think toy. I am an individual and my choice to have boundaries, morals, knowing true love given and accepted, discipline, stability along with all the love in my being that I can give to another, is a good thing. If fortunate, I will see the man that sees me, not the flash and bling. In that moral man, one finds a lifetime relationship that grows where no one seems to remember, any longer. It is our promise to one another because I will also remain monogamous. Infidelity usually involves both sexes. This isn’t just a male issue. Males are given the lee way to use this excuse. I can’t believe any women are driving the moral decay exhibited in clothing manners, alone. Seems to be a male’s world when I come home and feel beat up by all the flashing women do. I watch all the males waiting for the expected evaluating. I’m female and heterosexual. I feel assaulted and insulted. From a man’s point of view? I’m sure things seem pretty sweet. The moral and responsible man seems to feel as insulted as I do. It’s a matter of individual responsibility that is taught and assimilated and demonstrated with healthy self esteem and a healthy brain.

    This said, people change over time. This is a complex subject. I’ve had relationships end on their own time frames, not because of cheating. It was the right thing to do and the love was not lessened and in fact, continues to grow. We are true friends with real love for one another. We honored one another all along the way, understand?

    Most men that I consider my heroes are modern day heroes at that. They are loving, devoted, happy-to-be-there husbands,brothers, fathers, even with all the flaws. They are committed and their word means everything to them. This type of honor and understanding is not taught today. The pain it would cause their loved ones if they cheated, is not worth any risk to them. These men I am blessed to know, are moral men that follow their personal standards and find great joy.

    Does society really have the right to ponder this question when all that is peddled seems to be flesh with the expectations there will sex at every hello? That no matter who or what, sex is allowed or going to happen?

    The loving dads and husbands and brothers? The men in the household? They know their place in the importance of their family and community and serve with pride, the fact they are devoted to their family. They also
    seem very good with the skills of demonstrating why their wives are so important to them and delight, in every moment they tell us they are in love with their wives. Assuming there are standards in place at the start, life changing, deep down, no-one-can-take-it-away-from-you joy, is the result of morals. One follows the standards you hold dear to your whole being.

    Each situation is different. The moral men seem to release themselves from one relationship before moving to the next.

    Moral men say no to anything outside of their relationship and most reap the rewards for such devotion. It’s a daily thing. The devotion of both people in the relationship will be heard for generations to come and it is important to both that their story is a story filled with examples of truly loving others and total devotion to their family.

    Women have no market on morals. That is hype. My earlier rant of what is in media and being repeated everywhere media is viewed? Yep, those are moral, stable within themselves, females that know they are good people. They know they count because their chests are. Females are not being any more monogamous than men. Personal responsibility needs to be taught to bolster the fact biology usually calls for
    building one’s home, family and legacy. We are current history for our family’s future. For the future of families.
    Smart, reasonable men understand this as well as smart, reasonable women understand that all actions ring into eternity.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Wow. Thank you so much for this very thoughtful response, Lynda. It adds much to the discussion here. Hope you return to ADR and contribute to future conversations.

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