My wish came true. Yesterday was a beauty. A Sunday soaked with sunshine and silliness. And sleep! This was all nothing short of a miracle, and a fantastic way to start Daddy’s Day. In the middle of the day, I paused and wrote the following words:
So. I am sitting here. At the kitchen island. Alone. And I should be doing many things – showering, getting dressed for the day, working out, writing a chapter or a blog post or a thank you note. But instead. Instead I am writing. For me.
It is Father’s Day. The babe is napping and my man is out with the big girls. They are going for a boat ride in Central Park. It was my idea. And now, now that they are gone, it all makes sense. This would have been the day that we’d drive to Wisconsin, to Coleman Lake. And we would have stopped on the way at a little roadside cheese mart. Yes, a cheese mart. And we would have bought cheese curds and summer sausage. But then we would have also bought some silly things. A hat with a slogan. A goofy stuffed animal. We would have given them to Dad on the big porch overlooking the lake. The lake with the old green fishing boats.
But today is different. Today is not about my childhood. It is about theirs.
Today is different. It is not about my father. It is about theirs.
And you know what? Today has been magic. The girls slept in. Late. 7:45am for the big girls and 9am for the tiny one. Husband slept til 9am and when he woke up the big girls attacked him with a Hello Kitty hug, and presented him with their homemade creatures and cards. And I gave him my gift – a comfy sweatshirt and a pair of shoes that doesn’t fit. And then I ran out – yes, in my pajamas – to the market and bought food – eggs and fruits and vegetables. I also bought flowers. I’m looking at them now, these flowers. They are roses. Yellow-white. They are happy things.
When I came home from the store, the girls played as we cooked up a feast. Eggs with sweet potato and chicken sausage hash. Fresh watermelon and peaches. We also made corn on the cob for the girls because they love it. And we sat around the table in the garden and we laughed and ate. And it was downright delicious.
I have already taken hundreds of photos today. And I know that’s nuts but it means something to me – I am eager to see this day, to feel it, to capture its edges, to memorize its moments. They are beautiful pictures – blurry with motion, stained with smiles, ripe with real life.
And now. I am here. At this island, with these flowers, with this flurry of feeling. Still in my pajamas at 1pm. And I should be elsewhere, tending to that to-do list. But I sit here, and say no. I am going to flip open the screen and relish this time and say just how happy I am – to be here, on this day, in this life.
Because I am. It has taken me a while and some work – a winding road of years and tears and fears – to get here, to this little island of acceptance and awe, but I am here and I wanted to tell you.
Mostly, though, I wanted to tell me.
After I wrote those words, Little Girl woke up and we met Daddy and the big girls in the park. We settled on our waterproof striped blanket in Sheep Meadow for quite a while. The girls circled around us, dancing, singing inappropriate but also genius songs about butts, and generally having a blast. One of the cutest things was that the big girls asked if they could use Daddy’s camera to take pictures. And we obliged and they did, they took turns, holding that bulky object up to their little faces, pressing a button, capturing the day.
And then there was the standard fare – grilled cheese dinner and sticky ice cream faces. It was really a day like many others, but it was also a whole lot more. Of all the pictures I – and we – took today, the one below is among my very favorites. Because it captures, and compellingly, where I am. Emotionally, existentially, evolutionarily. (Yup, that last one was for Dad.)
Thumbs up, friends.
How was your weekend? How is life for you these days – thumbs up, thumbs down, or thumbs sideways?