Where does beauty come from? When do we first become acquainted with this concept? When does it come to dominate our decisions and our visions, or does it? Do some of us escape concerns about being beautiful and having beautiful things and carving a beautiful life better than others? Is this escape even a good thing?
Middle Girl is aware. Of beauty. She looks at herself in the mirror, makes little faces. When I put her clothes on, she remarks that her dress is pretty. When I am wearing earrings, she pulls my hair aside and smiles, I like them. Your earrings. When we go out outside, she looks up, and around, and says, Look, Mommy. It’s a beautiful day.
Her older sister never did this. She is observant, and wildly so, but in a different way. She doesn’t spend time in front of the mirror (or as much time), she doesn’t comment on my clothes or the brilliance of the day. She notices other things – how her sister’s toy stroller has a wiggly handle or how the pantry has lost “electrishitty”… Ultimately, she seems oblivious to questions of appearance and beauty. So far.
Anyway. Not sure where this is going exactly, but I am thinking today about beauty, about where and when it’s born, about why some of us are so fixated on it, about how it can be that two girls raised by the same parents in the same home can have such different views of things…
When did you become aware of the concept of beauty? When did your kids become aware of it? As parents and people, how much should beauty matter or not matter? Do you think on some level Middle Girl is just differentiating herself from her big sis, or do you think she’s just a different creature and essentially so?
I think kids are naturally curious. We adults pick up on their curiosity and begin narrating for them, before they have words. Your oldest happened to be interested in mechanics (wheels, lights, etc.). If someone started describing them as “beautiful” to her, my guess is that word would be part of her vocabulary. But, we don’t see wheels or electricity as beautiful, so we describe to them in other ways. Your middle child happens to be interested in things we adults deem to be beautiful – reflections of ourselves in mirrors, dresses, etc. Had she learned that they were boring or ugly, she might not see the world as a beautiful place. My personal belief is both girls have interests that just happen to be in different things.
Such an interesting way to look at this. What’s curious to me is that I’ve made a concerted effort to avoid certain words around my girls – i.e. pretty, beautiful, fat, thin, etc… It’s not that these are a priori bad words, but I don’t know, I have that motherly instinct to, well, shield them from certain narratives. That’s why Middle Girl’s use of the word strikes me so. I know very well that there is a world out there to contend with, that there are other people (friends, relatives, teachers, etc) who use these words, who tell her that she is beautiful or that certain things are, and she is a sponge as all of our kids are, but it just fascinates me that she has retained this chatter and my older girl has instead retained vocabulary about different things… I love what you have to say though – about how there is something in the essence of our respective kids that is just there that we can and do tease out… All so intriguing to ponder. Thanks, Nilsa!
Physical beauty is a commodity that small children are generally unaware of. Kids often equate beauty with kindness and their natural curiosity about physical differences may be why they are often attracted to, frightened by,exotic faces. It sounds like Middle Child is an artist, as she uses the adjective beautiful to describe the day and notices jewelery that may throw light toward your face. Have you ever allowed her to use a camera? I’m sure that if she is offered the chance to take three random shots in the park, she would find ways to frame the light around ordinary objects in an interesting way.
Another really interesting interpretation of all this. Both Big and Middle Girl are little artists, smitten with color and texture and creation, but I am remembering a particular day in the park when we let Middle lug Daddy’s big camera around and she held it with a surprisingly steady hand and snapped away… and the pictures were actually quite something. Who knows?
Thanks, Julia.
What a very interesting question. But, I’m not so sure kids are immune to physical beauty. When I take the time to dress in–you know–matching clothes and put on make up, my boys never fail to tell me I’m pretty. All three of them, almost every time. And none of them are the stop and stare at the clouds type.
I honestly can’t remember the first time I thought to describe something as beautiful, but wouldn’t that be a great memory to have?
Yes, that would be a wonderful memory to have, to be able to recall a time of glimpsing something beautiful and knowing to label it as such… Thanks, Monica!
There are so many definitions of beauty. Like the saying goes, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” The eyes are the windows to a person’s soul, they can predict how a person is feeling. I believe inner beauty is far greater than outer beauty, but as a friend said, “thank God we have the will to change both.” And we do, we can change our attitudes, the way we view people/places/things. Aboveall, Middle girl seems to acknowledge that beauty is real, it’s everywhere and in everything, just not everyone sees it.
Yes, I love that. The idea that there are so many definitions of beauty and I love the simple acknowledgment that my daughter is aware that whatever beauty is, it is real. Thanks!