On Saturday night, Husband and I went out for dinner and a movie. First, we grabbed a quick bite at our beloved neighborhood restaurant ‘Cesca and then strolled down to the movie theater in Lincoln Square. We saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower and loved it. Loved it. I left the theater with happy tears in my eyes, feeling choked up with inspiration. Outside, it had started to pour rain, but somehow this seemed right and made me smile, and felt like a beautiful footnote to a sweet story. I stuffed my leather jacket in my purse and in a last minute gesture of chivalry, Husband stripped his sweater off and handed it to me to use to cover my bag. I carried my sweater-swaddled leather bag up Columbus.
And we stopped for a cupcake at Magnolia. And after dinner and some candy at the movie, we certainly didn’t need a cupcake, but this wasn’t about need. Husband picked a chocolate-frosted cupcake and I went for a pale blue one. We ordered decaf coffees and huddled in the bakery’s back room and talked about the movie, and about our respective high school selves. And then, in the drizzle, we walked home.
It was a wonderful night and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about how lucky we are to go out two nights each week, to have this time for ourselves. Not all of our date nights are so rain-soaked and romantic, but they are ours. They are times when we are able to sit together, and put the phones away, and share meals, stories, our evolving selves.
I feel lucky because I know two nights out is a real privilege; that most people cannot financially or professionally afford these evenings out of the house. I feel lucky because I have a man in my life with whom I want to share these nights. I feel lucky because, after all these kid-and-chaos-packed years, it still feels at times like we are courting one another, and dating.
Anyway, it was a good movie and a good night with a good man and I wanted to tell you (and me) that I do not take these dates, or these days, or any of this for granted. Not for a New York minute.
Are you able to enjoy date nights from time to time? Do you think it is critical to carve one-on-one time with our partners? Have you read the book or movie of The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Do you think rain is romantic? What were you like in high school?
Since my husband and I don’t have kids yet, some people might think every night is a date night for us! And, to some extent, they are. But, most of the time, they are just typical nights, trying to get in enough rest to fuel us up for the next day. But sometimes, every now and again, they are more than that. And sometimes, those times are completely unexpected. I have two memories that stick with me regarding dates and romance vs. the everyday routine:
The first was one day during lunch. Husband and I work together, so every now and again, we will go out to lunch vs. bringing our lunch or eating at the cafeteria at the office. One day while we were out to lunch, we ran into a friend, and she asked us if we were on a date. We laughed and told her that no, we’re just having lunch. The idea that that could be considered a date had not really occurred to us.
The second is once when we were on our way home from an outdoor event where it had started coming an absolute monsoon. We stopped at a fast food joint and picked up some oh-so-bad but oh-so-yummy chili-cheese fries. By the time we got back to the house, it was still raining so hard that we couldn’t get out to go inside without our food getting soaked. So we ate them in the car in the driveway to the house, and laughed the whole time about this guilty pleasure. It was probably the most romantic date we’ve ever had (it’s not as sad as it seems, I swear)…sitting in the car while it poured down rain all around us, eating chili-cheese fries. It was downright loverly.
It’s funny you should write this, not least because a close friend of mine is the exec on that movie and she’ll be delighted to read this post. I’ve often thought about my former high school self while reading your blog because we were very different, you and I. My perception of you was that you were driven, athletic, popular. I was quirky, dramatic, and a theater and choral geek. Our circles intersected, but we rarely spoke. My insecurities were not of the Ivy League variety but of the painful Welcome To the Dollhouse kind (in my mind). Yet here we are, in very similar places, writing and raising girls in the wildness of Big Cities.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about the purpose of Facebook per your previous post. In addition to being a wonderful way to keep in touch with old friends, it’s also a great equalizer. Whereas in the past, one may have mythologized the popular kids, freaks, geeks, burnouts, sluts, bullies and skaters of one’s high school days, Facebook proves everyone to be much more the same than different. It shows we are all just struggling to Do The Best We Can. At our jobs. At our families. At our lives. If you’d told my angsty high school self that I’d turn out to fit right in with the rest of the world, I’d have laughed. But there it is. And I hope it’s something I can pass on to my daughter when she’s 16 and listening to the 2028 version of Counting Crows in her locked bedroom some night.
Though every night is technically “date night” for my boyfriend and me, I still very much appreciate what you’re saying! There are times the two of us are together but not together. We’re making dinner, we’re out with my family or his, we’re on our laptops or watching TV or sending emails all evening. We’re not sitting down, face to face, with little distraction. We’re not together.
And other times? When we make the effort? We are. We’re talking and laughing and sharing, and it’s like we haven’t known each other three years… but maybe like we just met. Those are the best times. And it’s important to carve out room for them.
I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower in high school and remembering loving it, like every other high school kid I knew, but can’t recall much about it now. Even the movie trailer hasn’t brought much back. Think it’s time for a re-read — and I definitely want to see the film! (Perhaps after the re-read.)
Although, I have not enjoyed any date time with someone, I do think it is essential to get off the phone, stop the text messenging and see each other face to face, but to practice it to a different story. Let’s just say it’s a lot easier said then done, to make a long story short I’m almost 30 and I never actually been on a proper date. I have read the book “The Perks of being a Wallflower,” but have heard of it. Oh I love rain, the other day my aunt told me that rain is like the souls in purgatory being forgiven by our Lord, Jesus Christ and entering Heaven so let it rain YES! In high school, I was a shy, studious perfectionist girl, enough said. I’m glad you had a wonderful weekend, Aidan! God bless
During our son’s first year of life, we didn’t go out without him very often (don’t confuse that with not going out at all – we bring him a lot of places). And, to this day, we still enjoy bringing him out with us (we’re lucky – he’s one easy-going kid). But, during his second year of life, we’re making a point to have one date night a month. Whether it’s going to the theater, going out to dinner with friends or going to a wedding, we are trying to devote time to being out of the house together, without our son… which reminds me, I need a babysitter for this weekend! =)
Hi Aiden!
I read your blog on occasion and happen to catch this post when I was traveling in NYC with my husband (we live in the Bay Area). We were staying on the UES so we went to Cesca’s. Perfect timing and thanks for the unintended recommendation. We loved it! Jackie