When you step away, when you stand back, you see. You see the thing in which you were, and are, immersed. You see the shapes, the sizes, the shadows. You see the color, the lines, the limits. You see the scenery, the sunsets, the stars. And you see the characters, the creatures.
Most powerfully though, you see yourself.
You see who you were, who you are, who you will be maybe. You see that you were, are, a busy and buzzing blur, tethered wonderfully, and woefully at times, to buttons and babies and books real and imagined. You see that you were, are, at times, too focused, too frenzied, too fearful.
When you see, not perfectly, never perfectly but better, you can envision change and change is a beautiful and beastly thing, big and brooding, scary and sublime in any iteration, but empowering too. When you see yourself, even a little, you can also see the things in your days and in your dreams that matter, the things you want, and deeply, and those you don’t want even though you thought you did. You see the life and love that are worth working for.
You see.
♦
Wow. A month away from this place I so love. And it has been a good month, a beautiful month, a hard month. Good because it has been full of more family, more freedom. Beautiful because it has been stuffed with sunshine and scenery and a swirl of sweet, sweaty little girls. Hard because it has been full of more family, more freedom, and stuffed with sunshine, scenery, sweet, sweaty little girls.
Yes, good. Yes, beautiful. Yes, hard.
I’m noticing a theme: the best things in life, the very best and most beautiful things in life, are by definition not easy.
The truth: I am so happy to be back here, to this place I come to think and tell, to question and create. I’ve really missed this space, and you guys. I know that sounds odd as I don’t actually *know* many of you. Or maybe it doesn’t sound odd at all; that I miss the people, known or unknown or somewhere in between, who read my words, who listen to my worries, who understand me a bit, just a bit.
More truth: I’m feeling that familiar sense of paralysis that comes when there is just too much to say. I have endless stories to share. Endless pictures to post. Endless realizations to reveal. This breed of paralysis? It is not easy, but it is a privilege.
But for now, as I unpack bags, separate light and dark (oh the metaphor), and settle back in, I will keep it simple: I’m happy to be home from our exquisite and often hilarious family travels. I’m happy to be home from my much-needed and enriching trip to the Land of Admittedly Imperfect Unpluggedness.
Thanks to all of you for allowing me to step away, to stand back, to see. The good news is that I am here again, bursting with insights and insecurities, ready to take this month of September by storm!
How was your August? Tell me something fun! Do you agree that when you stand back you can see, albeit imperfectly? Do you agree that the best and most beautiful things in life are not easy? **Leave a comment before 11pm EST for a chance to win a copy of my friend and bestselling author Gretchen Rubin‘s delightful book HAPPIER AT HOME which hits shelves today!!**
Welcome back! Glad you had a lovely, restful break. Amazon is supposed to deliver my pre-ordered copy of Happier at Home today – planning to devour it!
Something fun? We took our first Amtrak trip with the kids, from Union Station to Williamsburg. (The Amtrak staff are impossibly friendly. I left my debit card in the cafe car and the porter hand-delivered it to me at my seat.) The kids are veteran metro/subway riders, but seeing their faces when they saw how big the Amtrak train was? Completely memorable and we’ll definitely do it again.
Thanks for the warm welcome back, Abby! You are going to adore Gretchen’s book as it’s chock-full of philosophical insights on topics that matter deeply to all of us, I think. And I so love hearing about your Amtrak trip. I grew up taking Amtrak as my mother is not a flier. Such a big part of my childhood. Now you have me thinking when I can take my girls for their first trip! So happy to be back here; one month is quite the stretch!!
I love this. Welcome back. I share your view on how the loveliest moments are shot through with difficulty, sadness, things not classically “lovely.” I love this, by Freud:
“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”
xox
Love that quote. So much. I arrive at this conclusion again and again, namely that the most meaningful things are complex and gray, that easy should not necessarily be the aim. Happy to be back in the ether
I thought about you unplugged as I semi unplugged. Glad that you’re excited to be back and that you got your fill of family. I have heard of GR’s new book, would love to check it out. I go back and forth whether I’m happiest when traveling or here at home at the computer with cup of coffee.
Oddly, I found this comment in spam. You are decidedly not spam
I have a feeling you will love GR’s book; it’s stuffed with really practical and more theoretical tips. I dream of getting away, of adventure and escape, but at the end of the day, I’m happiest here at home, I think. And I’m happy about that, too! Hope you had a good month. Would love to grab another lunch soon. xox
PS – What’s the skinny on Pinkberry chocolate hazelnut? It’s downright delish.
Welcome back Aidan! Missed your space for the past month but glad that it’s brought you back refreshed!
August has been a whirlwind of planning for my November wedding but my favorite memory was traveling 10 hrs with my fiance, future mother- and sister-in-law, and best friend for my bridal shower!
Thanks, Heather! A November wedding – so exciting! Fall is my favorite season and the is something wonderful and rich about a fall wedding. It blows my mind that I got married 8 years ago this December. Cliched but where does the time go? Soak up this magical anticipatory time!
So happy it’s September and that you’re back here! Let another ILI school year commence!
Thanks, Lisa! Happy to be back.
Welcome home. Missed your words, but glad you got the opportunity to step away. Would love to read Gretchen’s book.
Thanks. It wasn’t so easy for me to step away, but it is what I needed. Happy to be home though
Welcome back Aidan! So glad you enjoyed your time away. August was too full of the heavy for my tastes but as for the fun…end of summer beach bash (albeit, in the middle of Montana), adults in their late 20s (law degrees, doctorate degrees, MBAs!), helping each other out to keep those legs up in a modified “hand stand” reliving some of our youth.
a much needed break from responsibility for the weekend. Glad to have you back!
Sorry the month had its heaviness, but indeed I’m smiling at the images of adults doing handstands. We all need those silly breaks from the seriousness of adulthood from time to time. Thanks for the welcome back!
There was probably some alcohol involved
looking forward to more ADL thoughts on life this fall!
Welcome back! I definitely missed your words this past month. Something fun? August has been filled with planning for our new home, which we close on next week. Right now I have contractors, paint colors, granite, cabinets, tile, and the like on the brain. A little bittersweet, as I have mentioned before, but also exciting and very apt to be planning this new giant step as summer transitions to fall.
So so exciting! You know how much I love all things home/design/decor. Bittersweet to be moving, yes, but think of it as evolution, as progress. Good luck with closing!
Welcome back! We got to go to my husband’s family reunion in Idaho and introduced our 7-month-old to my in-laws. More adventurous: hubby and daughters survived their first hurricane party when Isaac came for a visit last week. Newly purchased house? Not so lucky; a major roof leak caused the ceiling in the girls’ room to collapse. Caught it early enough to get kids and furniture out, but, oh, my, the mess!
Thanks, Peyton! So crazy that your babe is 7 months! Has the time flown or no? I remember emailing you about names when you were expecting; seems like yesterday. Ugh – so sorry to hear about the hurricane damage. That’s no good at all. But it sounds like you are rolling with it; a good sport indeed.
So glad to have you back! I did check your site almost everyday in August to see if you couldn’t resisit this place. Can’t wait to read about all your new insights!
Okay, I’m going to admit that it makes me smile to think that you checked in here to see if I broke my unplugging rule! So happy to be back.
Welcome back! It was kind of funny that for the first time in a whole I had time to catch up on your blog to discover you took a sabtical. The good part was bein able to catch up- I had been following your blog for so long at this point it’s almost a part of my routine
Love that it worked out. Very little homework on your end, huh? And love that this place is part of your routine; means a great deal. Really.
Alas, no homework un/fortunately. I have progressed to the grown up world and see clients- who practically all had decided to take their vacations in August! But in a non-creepy way, I have been following your blog since before you published and I feel like I’ve grown up with your writing and your babes
Again, welcome back!
Love it. I meant that you had little homework as in little to catch up on here at ADR, going with the whole silly Prof of Insecurities theme. Means a ton that you have been following this blog from its inception. So so hard to believe that was over three years ago when Middle was but 5 months and Little just a dream. Ah, time.
Welcome back! Just popped over to comment and noticed your new site design too (which may not be new – forgive me). Happy to see you back in my reader – your blog is one of my faves.
Thanks, Sarah! The design is relatively fresh and I am loving it; it makes me feel happy and light and cooler than I am
Hope you’ve had a good month and a good summer!
So glad you’re back, Aidan — we missed you! I actually felt a jolt this morning realizing I could pop over here and hopefully see a new post.
August was very busy for me — good, but busy. My very good friend had a baby — the first of my friends to do so. I’ve worked and worked, and am freshly home from a trip to visit my boyfriend’s family up north. I’m breathlessly anticipating fall . . . and hope to get my first pumpkin spice latte of the year today!
Oh, how I love fall, too! The damp air, the boots, and, yes, the hot yummy beverages. ‘Tis my favorite season by far. Fun that your friend had a baby. How’s she doing? I know all too well that those first days are beautiful, and hard. Hope you had a good trip and that you got your hands on that pumpkin latte. Thanks, Meg!
Welcome back! I grew up near libertyville so that picture made me smile!
Thanks so much, Erin! Libertyville is a wonderful place that means a lot to me. Glad you liked the pic!
Welcome back! August was HOT in the South for this pregnant mama. Looking forward to the brisk fall days ahead.
Thanks, Eliza! Hope you are feeling good. Sending some cool vibes your way. Do you have a baby name yet? You know how much I LOVE baby naming
Welcome back. Hope your time away was fruitful, productive and memorable.
Thanks, Jack. So good to be back at it.
Welcome back! I am one of thsoe who may not comment often, but I share many of your words on my FB and I look forward to hearing from you.
I also am blogger as well as Internet Addict and Gypsy.
I love to read your words and hear what you have to say.
My august was filled with growth. REading blogs, taking e courses, teleconferenes and more. I am now ready for September and feel like a school girl ready to get back to it!
Enjoy life. You only live once! (Unless you beleive in reincarnation of course!)
Air Kisses to you darling! Keep it up!
XOXO
TrishaTrixie
Love your air kisses, and enthusiasm! I feel like a school girl, too. It’s a great, inspired feeling, huh? Thanks so much for chiming in here. Hope you continue to do so!
Your plugging back in was a reason for me to look forward to September. I’m glad for your break and chance to see.
My August was mostly hard but necessary and filled with love. Have spent hours upon hours with many more to go sorting through my childhood home after my parents moved to a retirement community. My mother is in full care, my dad close by to look after her. After suffering numerous strokes, we don’t know how far she will make it back to us.
In this moving-on process I often feel strong only to be blind-sided by some seemingly insignificant item. One day it was finding a teddy bear she had made. He has lived in a closet for years now. Finding a new home for him shouldn’t have been particularly hard to imagine. Yet I cried quite a lot of tears picturing her making him – with love. He’s watching over me for a bit in my own home now.
Thank you, Karin. The teddy bear is such a powerful image, and symbol. Moving on is always tricky, but it sounds like you are facing it head on, and really feeling it which is good, I think. My good friend just packed up her childhood home and it was really complicated for her. She wrote me the most wonderful letter about her own moving on. My favorite of her questions: “Do houses remember us?” Keep that bear close
So glad you are back. So good for my soul.
Thanks so much, Jan!
Yay you are back! My lunch time reading/eating at my desk has missed you! I have to admit I even checked a couple times to see if you randomly posted on your month off
Speaking of fresh starts, I read somewhere today that September for New Yorkers is like the beginning of a new year with people returning to the city from summer’s spent away…as the only New Yorker I know, curious if you agree?
August has historically been a transitional month for me, and this year didn’t disappoint. I gave up my apartment in Ridgewood to be 100% in Washington Heights. I got help moving from a lovely band of bloggers who needed a place to stay on their travel through New York. I attended a beautiful wedding in Long Island where the groom nearly lit his crotch on fire with his cigarette on the way to the ceremony. It was a good month, but I’m glad it’s over.
Love the details here, particularly the cigarette-crotch near-miss. I too am glad this month is over. It has been a good one, but I am digging the idea of September. Happy to see you here today!
Welcome back Aidan! We miss you! August was definiately a fun and productive month. I went out of my hometown with family to go visit more family, and we had a wonderful, awesome, and blessed time, and I am grateful for that. It was my uncle’s and grandma’s birthday.
In two weeks, we plan on taking another trip, God willing, to go visit more family. Oh, what fun it is to spend time with family. I am glad you enjoyed your time off, and that now you’re back to share your insights with us, your readers. I look forward to reading all your posts, as always. God bless you and your beautiful family. 
Thanks, Monica! Sounds like you had a great month and have more good times in store. So happy to be back here!
Oh, at last ! I even checked over the past few days – and nothing! I was becoming bereft ! But what joy today to find you back here, Aidan. Looking forward to all that you have to share with us – and us with you. The two highlights for me of the month of August were the first half of the month, when I had no visitors, after a stream of visitors all July – love my visitors, but it was lovely and peaceful again – and the second half of the month, when I returned to work. Work that I love and am very passionate about. The most fun thing in August was swimming in my underwear in the Millstätter See (a lake) in southern Austria with my friend, Liz.
Swimming in your undies? Now that does sound like fun! And I hear you re: visitors. We visited my sister in California and by the time we left, they’d had 2 solid weeks of people visiting and felt bad. It can be too much. So happy to be back here. Happy September!
So glad to “see” you back! I turned 36 in August, and it really hit me that I have been an adult (well, mostly) living away from home for as long as I was a child living at home. A strange realization! It seemed like my childhood lasted forever, and now I have already been an adult for the same amount of time. How did that happen so fast?
Would love, love to hear more about Manhattan life. My husband and I are headed there in December to celebrate our 10th anniversary!
I’d never thought about 36 that way; that’ll be me in a couple of years. Fun that you are coming here in December!! What do you have planned? The things I love to do are decidedly untouristy, but I am always happy to share. Took a walk tonight after the girls were in bed and it was drizzly out and I just walked down Columbus and took in all the sounds and smells and people and cars and literally said to myself, “I love this place. I’m so lucky to live here.” The good thing about getting away? It makes you appreciate home. And this city? It’s home.
Thanks, Jacqueline!
This August my fellow volunteers and I threw a prom for the clients of an HIV/AIDS residences. The theme was Hollywood and we spent months getting the patients to make decorations. We had a D.J., a red carpet, food and flowers. We even did make overs so that everyone was ready for their prom picture. Now I must confess that wheelchair dancing is difficult in a dress. I was very worried that it might look like a lap dance if I wasn’t carerful.
I also took my first real vacation. This was not a holiday at a soup kitchen or build a home for the homelesss week. It was the real walk on the beach and order room service kind. You’re right Aidan, we do learn about ourselves when we leave home for a few nights.
The prom sounds incredible; what a wonderful thing. And good for you for getting away. After two weeks away with the trio, Husband and I are jonesing for a real do-nothing-and-relax vacation. Soon, I hope. Happy you’re here today, Julia!
Welcome back! August was super full, with my oldest starting first grade and Hubby starting a new job. I kept forgetting that you unplugged and in idle moments would pop in.
I ALWAYS love Manhattan stories. We are determined to live there one day.
We’ll be there in November for the NYC marathon (my husband’s first after a car hit him while he was running, on a recovery run from the 2010 NYC marathon. Now that’s coming full circle).
Love to hear that you like the Manhattan stories because I am realizing more and more that this city, this home, is really what I want to write about. My second novel, like my first, takes place in NYC and I have a hunch that many of my stories, if not all, will. I just adore this place, its glamor and its grit, and I think there are infinite ways to bring it to life on the screen, and the page.
So so cool about your hubby and the marathon; good luck to him!
Welcome back…excited for you to be here again and to read your words on what has transpired these past weeks, where your soul is these days — and to learn, as always, a new perspective or be reminded of an old one from you. I love that you kick it off with how the best things aren’t easy. It is so true. I’ve thought a lot about that in the past year and as September gets underway, thank you for reminding me of that. Somehow, hearing you say it, it helps.
My August was a tad full of turmoil, bubbles of emotion and change and ponderings on where I have been and where I am going, a lot of unknowns swirling around some constants. Not sure if that is just Life these days or what, as we have discussed. I’m pretty sure that is the case.
So glad to be able to come here again. Looking forward to the posts ahead.
I think life gets more and more complicated and uncertain but that we learn to adjust to, and even appreciate, the complexity and uncertainty. How’s that for optimism? It’s odd because I am at once realizing how life is not easy and feeling powerfully positive about it all. I guess I just feel like more often than not things work out, and settle as they should. So happy to read your thoughtful words here and to have them in real life. Good luck to your little girl – and you – tomorrow. It will be great. xox
Welcome back! Hope you had a great August!
Thanks, Ayala! Thrilled to be back.
A Belated Welcome Back! I am looking forward to reading more of your insights, travels and stories.
My August was hard. I lost a friend much too soon.
There many speckles of happiness, but it was twinged with a coating of sadness.
A comfort to see your words again. xoxo
Hey, you. So so sorry to hear that. I hope your days grow brighter and brighter. xox
So glad you’re back!!!!!!!
Two beautiful sentiments that I completely identified with…
“…the best things in life, the very best and most beautiful things in life, are by definition not easy.”
and,
“More truth: I’m feeling that familiar sense of paralysis that comes when there is just too much to say. I have endless stories to share. Endless pictures to post. Endless realizations to reveal. This breed of paralysis? It is not easy, but it is a privilege.”
I know that I am not alone in saying how much we missed your daily reflections and it is a privilege for us that you share your stories so eloquently.
Glad to see your back!
-jocelyn