Yesterday morning at 8:06am, I received an email. An email from someone I don’t know, someone who reads this blog. The email was short and consisted of a single question: Would you be able to answer some questions about your decision to take a year off from drinking from a quiet blog reader? I never comment but am curious about your decision personally.
It wasn’t until I opened this email that I realized that yesterday was my eight month A Year Without Wine anniversary. That’s right; I’ve been dry for 75% of a year. I smiled when I remembered this and emailed back: Sure. So timely too because I am pondering my “eight month post” for tomorrow. Fire away!
Not long after, I received the following words, words my new friend agreed to let me publish here today:
There’s a piece of me that thinks I have a borderline problem. Was that part of your decision, too? I know you say it was a choice–so let me emphasize the word borderline. I’ll explain my situation.
I have a job–a good, productive one, and I’m successful at it. I have 2 gorgeous children, 4 and 2. A full life, for sure. I also love wine, champagne and other liquid treats. I have a drink at least 5 days a week, maybe just one glass on a mid week night but sometimes 3, 4, or even 5 on a weekend. I have a hefty tolerance however and rarely am I actually drunk-drunk. The mornings following a few drink night, I feel thick, heavy. I’ve never actually neglected work or family to drink, but I do find myself rushing through bedtime routines so I can settle in with my husband for the night, which usually means wine.
Reading your blog makes me think this is where you were. I want to be present and engaged in my life, and I’d also like to be 5 pounds lighter (thinking about 15 drinks a week multiplied my 150 calories apiece–ouch!!) On the other side of the coin, I truly don’t think I could life a life without alcohol. It’s part of our life, in a good way–we really enjoy it. It’s not a 2 buck chuck house.
Did you take a break as a way of hitting the re-set button? Maybe I should, too. Maybe not a year, but a week, to start, or a month. Then I think about my husband’s birthday in 2 weeks, or or or.. but isn’t that just an excuse?
Really appreciate your thoughts.
I read these words and one word repeated itself in my head. Yes. Yes. Yes. Honestly? I could have written this. And so, though I was busy dancing my Sunday jig, shuttling the wee ones to gymnastics, tripping over toys and queuing up cartoons, I wrote a quick note back. Yes, this was me. And this year has been one big re-set.
I am realizing that the universe works in wonderful ways. I had all but forgotten about my no-wine-calendar, but then in pops a thoughtful note, a reminder of this thing I am doing, this thing I am not doing, and I realize that even though I am in a good groove, it was mere months ago – eight to be exact – that I was struggling, wondering if I was truly okay, racing through bedtime to drink my wine, waking up many mornings in that thick fog of regret, feeling thunderous bursts of guilt and remorse.
That was me then.
This is her now.
Maybe, just maybe, it is many of us?
Thank you, my new friend, for writing that email, for snapping me from my Sunday morning complacency, for reminding me of the reasons I am doing this thing I am doing, not doing this thing I am not doing.
I will be back later today or tomorrow with answers to the above questions as well as my more personal eight month thoughts, but this morning I felt strongly about sharing this. I am realizing that it continues to be vital to check in here about my drinking days, and these dry ones, too.
{Eight months, baby!}
Can you relate to any of my anonymous friend’s words? Have you ever worried about any of your own habits, drinking or otherwise? Do you enjoy reading my posts about my Year Without Wine or do you find them too personal and/or preachy somehow? Honestly, I would like to dig deeper and write more about my thoughts on all of this, but find myself hesitating for some reason…
Yes, I can relate to this. I would like to hear as much of your thoughts on drinking and your year off as you are willing to share. What a cool thing to get that email.
I love reading about your year without booze because it’s pretty tough to lead a life without it, and there’s lots of social criticism and ramifications, and it is giving me some strength to see someone else say “look, it’s possible. It’s hard, but it’s possible,” and drawing out the positive effects.
(am teetotal by choice and always have been)
Sometimes I wonder too. I have yet to have a family, so right now it just looks like I have that fun single girl life. And maybe I do. There have been instances lately. Heavy mornings. The week after my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last month, it was a week of heavy mornings. That was a big wake up call. I love your “dry” posts…because they rarely end up about being “just about the booze”. You always find a great tie in to something big.
Hmm, I see a character forming for your next novel, since art imitates life. Not like you need one more thing to do, but…
Yes, please write about it. I’ve been waiting for updates, in fact, but figured you didn’t want to share for some reason. I think a lot of us can relate, in some way or another, to your story and the one you posted today. I definitely see myself there sometimes.
Oh, and sorry, but spiders? No way. I am a true arachnophobe. (ok not sure how to spell that). Just thinking about it is making me jumpy.
It is important to question ourselves and reflect on the babits that sahpe our lives. I don’t drink, but I volunteer to excess. Even though, feeding the hungry seems harmless, it can take its toll on the body if I don’t take a day off to rest once in awhile I have to keep telling myself “everything in moderation.” I think it is important to change the routine, give up or cut down on the coffee, spend a Sunday in the theater instead of the soup kitchen just keep from feelin old.
Aidan, I love these posts. I took a year off of drinking to support my ex. I thought it would be hard, but it was actually quite easy for me. I’m now in the middle of taking six months off of shopping for clothes, shoes, and jewelry. This has been much harder. I miss the high of shopping. I’m also considering stopping drinking again. I don’t feel I have a problem, I just feel more emotional pain when I’m buzzed – thoughts of my ex invade my mind in ways they don’t when I’m sober. It’s interesting to notice how we take ourselves away from the prescious present. We humans are, indeed, a work in progress. (((hugs)))
Every once in awhile I fast or abstain from something that has become too important in my life. I’ve abstained from coffee for a few months several times. I always go back to it just because its my comfort food. Abstaining from shopping is harder than giving up a food, but its more rewarding in the end. Whenever I go on a shopping fast, I look through my closet and weed out some of the things I I know I won’t use. I donate or discard them. Then I make a list of all the things I have too many of, like black turtlenecks, shoes, scarves. It helps me to resist temptation when I go near a store.
Spiders may look better preserved in alcohol but it doesn’t work for women. Alcohol dries out the complexion.
Congratulations on 8 months! I know that a lot of people are afraid of taking on the label of ‘alcoholic’ and it’s a shame that the fear keeps them from questioning whether alcohol is really adding anything good to their lives. Alcoholism isn’t what most people think it looks like but you don’t have to give yourself a label to stop drinking (a day, a week, a year). For your new friend (and anyone questioning), if you’re asking the question, listen to your heart. I’ve never met a person who regretted being sober but I know plenty who wake up every morning with regrets over their drinking. It doesn’t matter if you drink the expensive stuff, hold an important job or if the world thinks you’ve got your shit together. If you wonder if you should take a break from drinking, do it. See the world through clear eyes. See how different life can be without a filter. Give yourself a chance to be YOU without enhancements. I can’t wait to read your next post Aidan!
I am all for getting rid of bad habits! Partly because it’s the same thing as starting new ones, and I do have quite a few of those to start on my own (i.e. exercising).
I don’t know if this will make you empowered (I don’t know, I’m a tomboy on the inside and like reading about superheroes), but did you know that Batman is a teetotaler?
I didn’t know there was a term for people who don’t drink, but then I was procrastinating on wiki and found this (and this post reminded me of it): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_teetotalers
While I know this is thinking faaaaar faaaaar ahead and is a personal question (thus, I’m not expecting an answer), what do you think you’ll do about the habit (which is no longer a habit) once the year is up?
I can totally relate to this. I just decided to lay off drinking for a while because it was interfering in similar ways. I was looking forward to it to much, looking past what was happening right in front of me, just so I could get to the place where I could have a glass of wine. I admire you so much, Aidan for doing a whole year!