It seems like an odd question almost, but do you like email?
Recently, I read the late Nora Ephron’s book I Remember Nothing: and Other Reflections and the title of this book makes me chuckle because, well, I’m not super at remembering things. Actually, I just did a little art project for Big Girl’s Kindergarten class. We parents were asked to share one thing that is easy for us and one thing that is hard. I gave this some thought. My easy thing was making my girls smile because I am pretty A+ at that. But my hard thing was “remembering things.” Think: cell phone, keys, library books, appointments. Alas.
But I digress. Ephron’s book. First, it was wonderful. Brilliant and deep with humor. In it, she mentions again and again how little she likes email. And this got me thinking about email, about how deeply rooted it is in modern life – whether we like it or not.
Personally, I love email. I think I do at least. I love that I can sit down at any hour and write words – practical, philosophical, logistical – to the people in my life. I like that I can confirm that order of tiny kiddo tables for my girl’s birthday party at midnight. I think it is convenient and, used the right way (what is the right way?), it can actually foster relationships that would otherwise never have a chance to burgeon. I am thinking particularly of the email exchanges I’ve had over the past few years with so many of you, about the connections these exchanges have facilitated. How else would this happen?
But. There is a but. There always is in life, no?
But. Sometimes I wonder whether we are missing out on things by emailing so much? I’ve said it before here and I will say it again: I rarely speak on the phone these days. I rarely hear the voices and laughter of those I love. Also, I think email leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation. A friend of mine recently said that she has gotten in a lot of trouble over email.
And then there is the whole matter of whether or not we are “good emailers.” As is fitting with the rest of the ADR package, I am not excellent on staying on atop ye ole inbox. Husband makes considerable fun of the fact that I am sitting upon thousands of unread emails day after day. As some of you have probably noticed, I often fail to respond to emails on time, or at all. Not out of lack of desire, but simply out of lack of organization. A theme, I know. Oh, and sometimes I accidentally hit “reply-all” when I should just hit “reply.” That’s always a joyous occasion.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about all of this. And I wanted to see what you guys think. Clearly, you are all somewhat technologically-inclined and savvy if you are here reading, but I want to know whether you actually enjoy email or whether you are ever wistful for the olden days of phone calls and face-to-face chats?
Do you like email? Are you “good” at email? Do you remember your pre-email days? Have you let email supplant other forms of communication? Have you ever accidentally hit reply-all? What is easy for you? What is hard? Are you a Nora Ephron fan?
I like that you are asking this question. I’m not sure I love email, but I use it for everything. And, yes, I have once or twice hit reply-all accidentally. That’s always fun.
Thanks for asking questions & making us think!
I think we all owe it to ourselves to ask questions about even the most deeply-rooted aspects of self and world, right? Just because life takes on a pattern doesn’t mean that pattern is ideal or something we love. Thank you, Jen!
I had an interesting conversation about this recently with the partner I work for at my firm. A few months ago we made a decision that seemed ok at the time, but is causing all kinds of problems right now. The decision was made mostly over e-mail, and it being rectified the same way. She has been practicing law for 35 years, and I asked her what it was like to be a lawyer before e-mail. She told me the obvious, that it was harder because you always had to reach someone over the phone, and nothing could happen right away. But then she said something else. Then she said that before e-mail felt like she had time to think. Time to ponder the decisions she made, and think through their consequences. She said that now, she feels like she needs to respond to everything instantly, and make snap decisions that, in my area of the law (estate planning), cause small details to be missed, and lead to us untangling big messes months down the road, as we are today. So while e-mail is an amazing tool, I think we all need to remind ourselves to stop and think, and to avoid making quick judgments and decisions. It’s hard, but ultimately worth it.
Yes. We need to remember to stop and think. I do think there is this tacit understanding that we are to respond rather instantly and I think it probably causes a fair bit of anxiety, misunderstanding, and professional and personal mistakes. How many of us have whipped up emotional emails in the heat of the moment? Hopefully, we have the sense not to send these, but I know we all don’t have such restraint. Email certainly changes the landscape of human communication and connection. And so interesting to think about it vis-a-vis the legal and brethren professional worlds… Complicated stuff, to be sure. Thanks for your perspective, Sam!
I’m actually good at email, especially when it comes to my work email. My work inbox is generally very clean (currently holding only seven emails with items pending or thing to remember) and every read email is filed as soon as possible. With my personal email, it’s much the same. I don’t have unread emails (the unread email flag bugs me) and I delete all junk so that my inbox contains only emails I need. Filing my personal emails is not as important so I’m not as strict with that task.
As most of us can say, we remember the invention of the internet. I was at the forefront of the everyday person using it as I grew up in the Silicon Valley. It was something we learned relatively earlier than most. I do miss the pre-email, long phone conversations days. I quit FaceBook for this exact reason. I wanted those long conversations again. I wanted to meet up with a friend and not know everything that was going on in her life. On the flipside, email has been wonderful in many ways (as has FaceBook). It allows us to more easily organize events with friends; to be more efficient; to spread important news quickly. I do think email is beneficial, with the good outweighing the bad, but I truly miss the good ole’ days.
First of all, I genuinely envy your orderly email ways. I strive for such organization with email and other things in my life, but it never quite happens. I am realizing that this is probably, on some level, a choice, that I am in some weird way choosing chaos over its less colorful alternative, but that’s for another post!! Re: email, I think I have pretty much the same take as you, namely that I like email and enjoy the benefits it provides, but I also find myself longing for days when we were less plugged in. So interesting that you quit Facebook; how is that going? Genuinely curious!!
Thanks, Kristen!
It was hard when I first quit FB. I was constantly fighting the impulse to reach for my phone and hit that lovely blue and white app icon; to escape into a world that told me what was happening in my friends’ lives. However, slowly (albeit, very slowly) that feeling evaporated.
It has now been 10 months. I have moments where I miss the ease of FB because now to be involved I MUST pick up the phone. It takes a good deal of effort to actually call my friends and family, but overall, it has been worth it. I love the conversations and the happiness I feel immediately afterwards.
Just a final thought: I also have noticed I feel less down, or rather insecure, now that I’m off FB. I don’t think this applies to everyone, but for me FB made me feel somewhat inadequate. I’m sure there is enough space to elaborate, but it would probably be a long-winded response. I can surmise with – I’m much happier without “the book”.
The first sentence in the third paragraph should read:
Just a final thought: I also have noticed I feel less down, or rather less insecure, now that I’m off FB.
I love email. LOVE! I used to be an avid letter writer (still am!) before email and it only made sense that I instantly adopted email as a preferred tool of communication! I am also thrilled every day when I get emails from people! I like to think that I am good at email… I hardly ever leave any emails unanswered
You are an inspiration. I am so delinquent when it comes to email. Things just pile up. Ah, the cyber-clutter. But I do like email. I like that it facilitates communication with so many different kinds of people, how it transcends geographical and other boundaries, etc. Love that you are a letter writer! I have a good friend who writes the most exquisite letters and whenever I get one, I am so touched and amazed. (Hi, M!!) I would perhaps consider becoming a longhand letter writer if my handwriting weren’t suddenly so atrocious. Anyone know of a handwriting tutor for adults? I kid not.
Thanks, San!!
Email started to go mainstream when I was in college. I had an account, but had to go to the computer lab to use it. My parents (both academics) bemoaned the fact I wasn’t more available to them via email. It was inconvenient for me; therefore I didn’t use it. I find that’s still true today with my contemporaries. For me, I have access to email at work, home and on my phone. It’s convenient and therefore I use it (and have figured out a way to make it work for me). I have a number of friends who don’t work on a computer all day and don’t sit down at the computer for long periods of time … communicating with them via email is almost impossible. I don’t get responses in a timely manner and/or the responses aren’t as detailed as I originally hoped. I’ve learned to manage my expectations. =) For me, email fosters relationships – heck, my husband and I met through an online dating website and the first few weeks of our communications were solely through email. For that, I’m forever grateful.
Love that you met your husband online!! I am meeting more and more people who have similar tales of digital courtship and I find these stories endearing and intriguing. I think you mention something very important, namely that we must manage our expectations when it comes to email (and to the rest of life, I suppose.) Just because we write a long and lovely and thoughtful note doesn’t mean we will get one in return. Just because we are speedy in our replies doesn’t mean everyone will be. I think it’s so interesting to think that how we use email might reflect parts of our personalities that have been there all along… Thanks, Nilsa! As always.
“… the late Nora Ephron.” Those words still sting a bit. I haven’t read her book yet, but fully intend to. Ironic that one of her more successful films centered around a relationship born out of e-mails.
As for me, I’m a fan. I can be long and rambling or short and to the point. I can write something personal and private to a friend of family member. Or I can send a mass mail out with a change of address or other banal updates. It’s so versatile.
However, as many people have said (incl. Gretchen Rubin in her new book), technology makes an excellent slave but a terrible master. We have to let it work for us and not the other way around. Otherwise it becomes a shackle and makes us miserable.
Yes re: the master/slave metaphor. Isn’t Gretchen’s book fabulous? I think we need to remember to step away from these things, these terribly common and assimilated things, and ponder how they enhance or detract from our lives. I know that for me that is what this post is about, about pausing to think about something that we need not embrace full-stop. I have long pondered ways for email (and the rest of the online world) to work for me and support my goals, but alas, it’s all a work in progress (as are most worthy things, right?)
Thanks, Gale!! xox
I love email — but I love “real” mail, too. I still write old-fashioned letters to my grandma and delight in her lovely responses scrawled on stationery. I keep atop email because I hate having anything “waiting” on me, and if I take something out of my inbox, where I won’t see it on my computer and phone constantly? I forget about it. So it stays in the inbox until I’ve dealt with it, which greatly improves my productivity!