Calm down. I’m not pregnant. I don’t even want to be pregnant. Imagine that. Progress, no?
But there is something I’ve been keeping hush hush. Last November, I got braces. Yup, ’tis true. I didn’t just get braces. I got Incognito braces. How Bond of me, huh? Call me superficial, but I wasn’t game for sporting metal on the outside of my teeth, so I opted for these, which are hidden on the inside. Hidden proved to be a relative term; If you looked directly into my mouth, you could definitely see the metal brackets and wires – I think most people with whom I talked probably noticed them, and fast. More of a giveaway? The slight speech impediment these braces gave me at first, a lovely lispy thing that lasted for months. I literally had to practice speaking, standing in the mirror repeating some weird thing called the Rainbow Passage.
Anyway, it was all worth it. I’m happy to report that I got my braces off on Monday. Even though it’s only been 10ish months since I got my them, my mouth felt weird sans metal. But the important thing was, and is, that my teeth are now straight! Now I have the distinct privilege of biting into a plastic “positioner” for the next several days. Said positioner is a contraption that makes me look like I am hoarding my kids’ toys in my cheeks and, while I’m wearing it, prevents me from eating and drinking. Oh, and speaking. I’m not going to lie; my girls seem a little befuddled, perhaps even alarmed. At least their mom will have more perfect teeth when this is all over, right?
And that brings us to the most interesting question here, I think. Why would I elect to fill my mouth with metal, compromise my ability to speak normally and eat certain foods after upwards of three decades on this planet? My teeth were fine. Not bad. When I was a kid, an orthodontist told my parents that I didn’t need braces. Sure, my front two teeth overlapped and my bottom teeth were battling for space, but so what, right?
The truth is that my teeth bothered me. They were something I noticed in photos, in my wedding video, when I looked in the mirror in the morning. And I decided to finally do something about them. And I am so happy I did, but I am still left wondering why I went through all of this, why I am sitting here typing while my teeth, now straight, are shrouded in a thick plastic torture device.
And why didn’t I tell you guys about this before now? Was I ashamed of my vanity? Was I self-conscious about my decision? Did I feel guilty somehow about being able to afford my somewhat narcissistic adult dip into orthodontics?
I don’t pretend to know the answers to these questions. What I do know is that I am a fan of flaws physical and other – in the characters I read about and write about, in the people I know and love. What I also know is that I am less forgiving about my own flaws, and my own faults. Somehow, they are less endearing, less okay.
Part of me worries that once this final positioning process is over and my teeth are free and straight, I will miss my old teeth, my old smile, that I will long for the crowding, that chipped front tooth my doctor fixed on Monday when he was plucking those brackets from the backs of my teeth. Part of me wishes I was better at embracing my own imperfections, that I could see them for what I intellectually know they are: beautiful, unique, distinctly mine.
Alas. There is no going back now. ADR has straighter teeth. And the more shallow side of me is super-duper psyched even if the deeper side of me is a bit disappointed that I thought to call the ortho in the first place.
(Thanks, Doctor Andolino! Oh, and thanks Doctor Malpeso for your pre-braces AOO gum surgery which worked to expedite this process. This is a whole separate story with lovely details of face puffery, black-and-blueness, and one very frightened Starbucks barista!)
And here it is, the big reveal… {How bizarre and unsettling are close-up mouth photos by the way?}
Now is when you tell me that my new teeth look fab, that I am not excessively vain, that I am not a drama queen for giving this post its title. Are you forgiving of flaws in others, in yourself? Did you have braces as a kid or as an adult? And if so, do you remember getting them off? Are you keeping any secrets these days, online or off? {Feel free to contact me with any questions about my gum procedure or braces!}
Gorgeous teeth! Definitely worth it.
I had braces as a kid (got them on at 10, off at 12, retainer during the day for another year, at night for a few more years, and I still have a wire bracket behind my bottom front teeth) – and getting them off was WEIRD. I suddenly had huge white teeth! Like a shark!
The post title is a little dramatic but you knew that, right?
I make a huge deal of birthdays. I try to remember to send a card to all my friends and family for their birthdays – everyone is in my Outlook calendar. Husb is mildly confused by my need to be made a fuss of even more on this one day of the year. He’s not so bothered about his.
Yes, I knew the title was a bit melodramatic! I think I will probably have some kind of permanent retainer/wire. We shall see. I am okay with that as long as my chompers stay in place
I would like to make a bigger deal about other people’s birthdays. Sure, my kids’ birthdays are huge around here. We are currently planning Middle Girl’s birthday costume gala (I just like that word) which we are actually hosting here. But I don’t know why I am more sheepish about my birthday. I think, for some reason, it stirs up insecurities. I think, for some reason, I don’t love the attention all on me (interesting because here I am blabbing and blogging online, in many respects demanding attention, right?) Who knows… Thanks for the compliment re: my teeth even though I asked for it. I am realizing that it is weird to just post the “After” pic without the “Before.” The interesting thing is that I do not have a ton of pics where I was smiling this big before – because I was always a bit self-conscious about my teeth. This makes me happy that I went for it. What is life without giant, goofy, teeth-baring smiles 
Thanks, Yvann!
Your new teeth look great! I’ve never had braces and probably never will…my top teeth are pretty straight, and they don’t really bother me. And Happy (early) Birthday! Mine is Friday, and I am flying home to see family, so I have no worries about anyone remembering. The thing I get weird about is the gifts…I’m not good at receiving gifts, and there’s nothing I want that I couldn’t buy for myself, so I’d generally rather my family saved their money; but, alas, they like to give and I’ll graciously receive and thank them, but I’ll feel awkward doing it.
Now, for my secret that I’ve been keeping (both online and off) that’s not really a secret, but it’s a secret it MY world, if not the rest of my family’s:
My dad is dying. Metastatic carcinoma. Not curable. My family posts lots of stuff on Facebook about it, but since we found out about two months ago, I’ve been silent on the topic online. And at the office. Well, not completely silent at the office – I broke down in tears and ran out of the room (graceful, I know) during a touchy feely meeting two days after we found out, when a coworker started talking about when his father died and no one asked him about it at work. So, when this coworker came to check on me later, I cried again and told him that my dad is really sick…that’s as much as I was able to get out. My flight home tomorrow is less about my birthday, and more about the fact that I need to see my dad and spend my day with him since it might be his last of my birthdays to spend with me. All I’ve been telling people at work as I decline their meeting requests is that I have some pressing family matters to attend to back in the US. I can’t stand any looks of sympathy or people saying, “I hope everything’s okay,” because I nearly lose it everytime.
Is it weird that I’m keeping this a secret from the people I work with and others who are not mutual friends with my mom and sisters?
Thank you, Whitney. And happy early birthday to you. October 5 is actually a big, and tricky day for me that I have written about… The day after I turned 29, Dad got diagnosed with cancer. I often say that this is the day that split my own life into Before and After, innocence and knowing.
And now for your own secret, I am so sorry. I am so sorry that you and your family are dealing with this. I know that these experiences are far from fungible, but I read your words and see myself in them. I know what it is like to be weighed by this kind of thing and to try to continue living a normal life. I know what it is like not to tell people, too. Dad got diagnosed 2 weeks before Sister C’s wedding and the family decision was to wait until that happy event had come and gone before spreading the news about Dad. Those were a weird two weeks, but I also think, in retrospect, that they brought all of us closer because we were linked in knowing, in fearing, in fighting.
I am so sorry. I hope your trip home is okay, full of stories and memories and laughter. I hope that you are able to focus on your own birthday because that should not get lost in the shuffle. Even though I am not a big birthday person myself, I do believe that birthdays are important insofar as they are about life, about honoring another year of health hopefully, and just being here.
I don’t think it’s weird that you are keeping things vague at work. I think you need to do what feels right. And it means more than you know that you shared this with me, and us, here today. If I can be of any support at all during this- answering questions, listening, etc, please please let me know. I would be very happy to (virtually) hold your hand during this impossible time. Does that sound weird coming from a (virtual) stranger? Perhaps, but I really mean it.
Your teeth look great! Interesting questions as always, but I think you have every reason to smile
Thanks, Jill!
Your teeth look great!
I had braces put on in fourth grade and removed at the beginning of the sixth, only on the top teeth, brackets on the front four and the last two molars. My front four teeth were the only ones that weren’t positioned correctly, and they wanted to do it early to make some extra room for the tooth next to them which would be growing in.
However, it put me at the brunt of some major teasing in school because in our community, the orthodontist that 90% of people went to had a pretty strict policy that he didn’t touch the teeth of anyone younger than 6th grade (reasons exactly, I don’t know… didn’t like kids younger than that?), and I went to a practice where my uncle worked, and their orthodontist on staff liked to do things as needed and the most minimalist way possible, and his opinion had been do it early and you won’t have an entire mouth to fix. When I showed up back at school with a bunch of metal in my mouth, I was faced with a barrage of accusative questions from my peers, “Why do you have braces? You’re not supposed to be allowed to get braces until the 6th grade. Why do you only have four brackets? Why aren’t there any on your bottom teeth? What’s wrong with your orthodontist?”
I have actually been hearing about kids getting braces earlier and earlier these days, but I don’t think this was the approach when we were all kids, huh? So interesting because I was actually talking to two different friends today about teasing. One friend was talking about her kid being teased in school and the other friend was remembering how she was teased in school… And it got me thinking about how cruel kids can be and how important it is that my girls never tease others and how much I hope they aren’t teased. I know that life happens and I can’t control these things, but boy do I think about it, and hope.
Thanks for chiming in here with your own story and making me think.
They look fabulous! Sure, the title is dramatic, but the payoff was worth it…just like those 10 months in the braces (and the week of a puffy, bruised face and these days of wearing the mother-of-all-mouthguard-positioner thing).
And birthdays? Well, I’m not a huge birthday person, but there is something about folks remembering and sending wishes, no? Similar to wanting people to notice and comment on a new haircut or weight loss — or new teeth. Hmmm, interesting.
These questions, about identity and flaws, about being validated and “seen” by others and how we see ourselves. All rather huge, gray and very intriguing. I love that you pose them, ponder them, from all angles. More in future posts, perhaps? I hope.
Thanks for making me smile as always, A.
Thanks, you. For me, there is something I can’t quite pin down about birthdays. I think that they are a bit like New Years… We are taught to expect them to be shiny, happy days but they tend to be like any other day – full of good moments and less than good moments. I always enjoy my birthday but then I also feel a bit of relief when it is over.
And, yes, the questions about being seen and seeing ourselves are enormous and worth asking again and again. I vow to do so right here.
Hope it was a good day and good night
That smile is totally worth 10ish months of inconvenience!!! What a beauty! I am impressed with your ability to keep this “secret” although I totally understand the mentality to do so. My teeth are the one physical feature about myself that I hate or am embarrassed about. Which often surprises people because they expect me to say my weight, or I should say my OVER weight. Maybe it is because a person’s smile is usually the first thing we notice when meeting another, but I am comfortable in my skin as an overweight person but not as a person with an ugly smile. I am an extrovert in every aspect of my life except when it comes to my teeth, I hide them as often as I can. Therefore, I completely “get” the urge to alter teeth for the better. As a youngster, my family simple could not afford orthodontia treatment for my siblings or I and so I went through most of my school years being teased for profound buck teeth. By the time I was older and able to afford it, I was embarrassed to be the 20something, and now 30something, year old walking around with braces. Now with a child, I find myself saying, why spend the money just to improve my looks when it can be spent on him and his happiness.
Thanks, Amanda! This makes so much sense to me. It is all about what we are comfortable with and what we are not. There are flaws that I am more okay with, but for some reason my teeth have always bothered me and have bothered me more and more recently. And I also get your thinking about spending money on your son and your family as opposed to yourself. Honestly, I think this is one of the main reasons I kept this to myself (at least here) for so long. I think I was worried I would be judged for investing in myself and not just myself but my physical self. I think, in some sense, I have been judging myself for this decision, but now that I am on the other side, I am feeling really good and happy about it and wanted to share it here and celebrate it a bit. Does that make sense?
Aidan your teeth look FABULOUS! I remember when you first got your braces now.
I think we all hold ourselves to a higher standard than we hold others. I know I am extremely “self-critical” and “hard” on myself when it comes to many things… especially my physical appearance.
It’s nice to know that I am not the only one…
Congrats on getting your braces off!!
Thanks! I totally remember that play date at your house right after I got my braces on. Oh how happy I am to be well beyond that time. I think so many of us are self-critical and I do wish that more of us would admit this and explore the reasons why… All very interesting food for thought, no?
Your smile looks great. All the black and blue and trips to the orthodontist were well worth it — you look incredible!
We are fans of adult braces in this family, as you know, but I was lucky enough to have them twice in my teens, so here’s hoping I don’t have to revisit it as an adult. 
Had no idea you had braces twice as a kid! And your teeth are amazing. My hope is that there are no more braces in either of our houses until it is time for our girls to get ‘em. Hard to imagine, huh? xxo
Invisi-lines are big around here. Your teeth look great! We do what makes us feel comfortable. That was a pretty small change considering what you could have done but you aren’t old enough for any of that yet!
Happy birthday tomorrow, fellow Libra woman. Mine is today and you reminded me to check Facebook!
Happy birthday!!!!! Hope it was a good one and that you celebrated well.
I’ve always found people who get braces as adults to be quite brave. Does that sound silly? In junior high everyone has them. It’s almost a rite of passage and you don’t stand out for having a mouthful of metal. But but adults who get them somehow make a bigger sacrifice in the way of vanity, I think. Anyway, I’m happy for you. A happy smile is beautiful thing.
I’ve never thought of it like this, but I certainly don’t mind being called brave
There were many semi-awkward conversations about why I had braces, etc and I am happy to not have to have those now. Yes, a happy smile is a good thing. What’s kind of interesting is that I did a quick search in my photo archives for a “Before” pic of my teeth and realized that there were no pictures where I was smiling big enough to really see my teeth. Honestly, I kind of think that says it all, right? xox
Your smile is beautiful! And how funny to find your post today, as I’m 500 words deep into a feature for a health magazine on — you guessed it! — adult orthodontics.
I don’t think there’s anything vain about wanting to straighten your teeth. It’s a confidence-booster. We all have attributes we don’t like about ourselves — and though it’s great to say we’re going to just embrace these things, sometimes we don’t want to. I have a slightly “crooked” nose, which leads to my glasses and sunglasses often being askew. I typically wear contacts, so it’s not a big deal — but I’ve never been a fan of my schnoz, which just seems so much bigger than other people’s.
When I was a teen, I vowed one day I would have surgery to “fix” this thing I hated, this “ugly” nose — but, over time, I began to realize how much my nose is… me. And even if I had unlimited financial resources (which, uh…), I don’t think I would change my nose. Though I never fault anyone else who chooses differently. As Sheryl Crow would croon, “If it makes you happy…”
And happiness? That’s what matters.
So weird that you were in the middle of that article. Odd! So much of this comment resonates, but I am particularly struck by the last bit about happiness. Yes indeed this is what matters. For us. For our kids. In life. So interesting how you talk about your nose… I have always been a fan of real, imperfect noses. I realize that sometimes people are plagued by their noses and it truly affects their self-confidence, but there are so many people who strike me as particularly beautiful because of their less than “perfect” noses. For some reason, teeth strike me as different. Maybe it is because so many people “fix” their teeth when they are young and straight teeth are the norm and the ideal… But then again, there are some celebs/models/people who have spaces in their teeth and this is such a cool and unique thing that only enhances their beauty/individuality… So interesting to think about all of this, no? But, yes, happiness. The ultimate bottom line, no?
Thanks, Meg! Let me know if you need a quote for that article
Wow- teeth look great. I have been doing some teeth work of my own the past 8 or so months for the same reasons as you. My bottom teeth just bothered me enough that I felt it was time to work on them. I’m still a few months out, but am loving the changes I am seeing!
My oldest, also in Kindergarten, has been asking a lot of tooth fairy questions as well. Apparently, when the tooth fairy visits some of Emmeline’s new friends, she leaves a trail of pixie dust through the house or leaves a pink cup of water on the bedside table. The tooth fairy at our house just leaves a dollar and is thrilled to do it without waking her
My biggest worry is that she will figure out this Santa Claus, tooth fairy world all too soon because of the way she thinks through things in such a logical, methodical way. Her big brain may be her worst enemy in preserving precious childhood beliefs!
Thanks, Jacqueline. Fun to encounter another adult teeth-fixer
As for childhood and believing, I hope more than anything that my girls believe deeply in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny for a long long time. And why shouldn’t they? These creatures are in an important and ineffable sense still very much real to me to this day, and they were a huge part of my own childhood. I am so with you in hoping that our kids stay kids and don’t wise up too soon about any of this stuff.
Your teeth look great! It’s funny, I always thought you loved your teeth the way they were because they were a little different – I thought you preferred them that way. Well you are a beauty either way, inside and out
. xoxoxo, and happy early birthday!
Thanks, Jess. The truth is I either didn’t think about my teeth or disliked them, but oddly I am really happy you thought that! Thank you so much for your sweet words. Was so good to catch up with you and hear about your little ones. We must do this way more often. xox
Congrats – your pearly whites are gorgeous!
Starting around the age of 8, I began asking for braces every year for my birthday. I had a huge gap in the middle of my upper teeth and it definitely bothered me. Around 12 or 13, I eventually did get braces …
When it comes to other people’s teeth, I’m middle of the road – not completely accepting people’s flaws, but not completely dismissing people, either. I think the one time when misaligned teeth bother me is when they’re so extremely misaligned or overlapped or gapped that it’s all I can focus on when the person talks, that’s when it bothers me (because I prefer to focus on the complete person, if that makes sense). And I know that’s something that I shoulder, but I will admit that after a certain point, it disrupts my ability to focus on a conversation.
Thanks, Nilsa! I am like you re: teeth. Obviously, when it comes to myself, I am a bit (or more than a bit) of a perfectionist, but in others, I don’t mind imperfect teeth unless they are so so terrible that they distract from the person. I am not sure I have ever truly had this experience though – where I was so focused on someone’s teeth that I couldn’t focus. Again, I am wondering why I am drawn to the flaws in others, accepting of them, and with myself, it’s a different story. Alas, a theme.
I used to ear clear retainers at night but never had braces. Didn’t need them. Then at 23 all four of my wisdom teeth came in at once and it slightly bumped my teeth out of alignment. Now I have this weird up front bump right in the center and bottom. I used to model (sometime still do) and this bugged me a bit but I read these articles over and over about how people and guys espoecially don’t look at tetth directly when talking to a person. I put my pic on a site and then they asked you to do a close up. They asked “Would you go out with her, what do you think of her?” Guys answered no when it was JUST the teeth and many commented. But then they showed the full pic of people and asked the same thing and all these people said how hot I was or how great I looked. Then they reveled who was who and more comments. People were shocked.
Reality: No one REALLY is looking at your teeth (I know because one day I walked around with a green thing stuck in mine for a day and no one said a thing)
Flaw Reality: We are who we are. Some things can be changed and some things cant be. I try to do what I can and take care of me. I fear getting fat and old. I am a narcissistic person, I will admit it. (That is one thing I was hiding…hiding from admitting) But its true. I think about those things but I DON”T worry.
Worry is interest on trouble before it happens.
So why worry. Be real, be authentic. Be you.
I think you AND your teeth are great!
Thank you so much. Such an interesting and thoughtful comment. I am particularly intrigued by the close up versus the whole picture… Isn’t there a lesson here about seeing the whole of someone, and not focusing to intently on any one part or flaw? I think so. I love that you admit that you are a narcissistic person. So am I. On some level, I think all of us are and this is okay, and human. I am left wondering about worry though. Can we truly choose whether we worry or not? Or is worry something that just happens to us? I have had this conversation with Husband many times and I think it is so interesting…