This will be a good year.
Six words. Six simple, shiny words. True ones. True because I believe them, it. I believe that this year – 2013 – will be among my best yet. Why the confidence, the arguably non-ADR-esque breed of optimism? I’m not sure, but it feels pretty sweet and so I will roll with it.
So. Here I am. Rolling with it. Back. Back in this place I genuinely love, this place I cherish deeply. My time away was important and illuminating, mottled with brilliance and boredom both, the magic and mundane of holidays and everydays. There were, as always, moments of treasure and truth and also moments of trickiness. There was breathtaking sweetness, there were world class snuggles, but there was also sleeplessness and struggle. Again and again, I realize that it is always, will always be, both. Both delicious and hard. Both. I am finally coming to accept this. Celebrate it even.
I have so much to tell you. Stories to share. Realizations to explore, and examine. And I will do these things, all of these things, because they are important to me. These odd and ineffable things I do day in and day out – the telling, the sharing, the exploring, the examining – are all part of who I am and if I had to pick one goal for 2013, it would be to be myself. No more. No less.
Myself.
Cheesy, you say? To announce a cliched desire to Be Myself. Maybe so. I don’t care really.
Anyway, I could go on and on and the cool thing, the thing that makes me smile an incomparable smile, is that I will. In 2013, I will go on and on and on. About what it means to me to be a writer, a wife, a mother, a human, a friend, a fumbler, a stumbler, me.
Happy 2013 to all of you – whoever you are, really are, and wherever you are literally, metaphorically, existentially in this netty ether, this one life, this big, bad, beautiful world.
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Are you feeling good about the upcoming year?
absolutely, positively yes –
it’s funny, in a very uncharacteristic move, i wrote about and made some work focusing on joy… joy is a beautiful thing – as is embracing the balance… you cannot know joy without sorrow, the brilliance of light without the darkness…
harmony –
and as for knowing your Self? understanding you and your nature? not only is it optimal for you and the world but sets such a great example for your kids…
thers is a quote i love by dogen ‘when we discover that the truth is already in us, we are all at once our original selves.’ how much time and effort do we spend when we are younger to construct a persona we are happy with? and when we realize that isn’t what it’s about, we yearn to strip it all away and get to the core…
with your very clear thinking and huge challenge of 2012 overcome, i wish you much fulfillment in 2013.
Thanks, Mary Jane. And Happy New Year! Joy. Balance. All of these things are infinite in their importance. As is doing the work to dig deep and figure out who we really are. I think you are right that we all, unwittingly or no, spend much time constructing selves we approve of and then there comes a time, a tricky and wonderful time (again both) when we decide to stop and do the work of finding out who we are beneath all that we have forced, and built.
Clear thinking? It’s downright amazing.
Thanks!
I love that picture. Boredom and brilliance, treasure, truth, and trickiness. Amen and allelulia. All of it. Here’s to another great year, my friend. xox
Thanks, you. It’s all about both. You know that and your writing often serves as a beautiful reminder of that. So excited about 2013 (& next week!)
xox
This is beautiful and I really really needed to be reminded we all stumble and that it’s ok. Thank you and happy happy 2013!!
Thanks so much, Pamela. Yes, we all stumble and all the time, too, and I am realizing that much of life’s beauty resides in the stumbling, the fumbling… Happy new year!
Lovely picture Aidan.
It’s always both, struggles and happiness. Managing the distance between the two becomes the real challenge.
Thanks, you. It is always both and you are right that figuring out how to navigate the waters between will always be an abiding challenge. Look forward to another year of blogging alongside you.
xox
The comedian Paul Reiser said his father believed that “happiness is the quiet lull between problems.” I agree.
The trick, I think, is learning to love the lull. Live in the present moment. Avoid projecting the next problem. Not easy for us NYers, but important to try. Happy new year — may it be full of happiness and hugs, success and self-discovery.
Oh how I love this. The “quiet lull”… so so true. Not necessarily glamorous, but true. And how to learn to embrace the lull, to feel its calmness, to celebrate the everyday… A perennial and worthwhile challenge.
Happy new year to you and your creatures. xox
Aidan, just had to tell you that your Year Without Wine inspired me to make a big resolution myself — giving up saying the word “sorry” (my own little addiction/crutch). I’m actually amazed that, so far, it hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would (though I still am not rid of that word by any stretch) — but I’m making progress.
And I love your resolution — not cheesy at all!
xox
Rebecca
I love this, Rebecca. I’ve thought about this very topic recently. I think I used to say sorry a lot more than I do now and I notice it when people are always apologizing and filling silences with sorrys… I am humbled to think I played any role in your own experiment and can definitely see myself blogging about this. Thanks for the inspiration!
I was one of those people up until a few days ago! But it’s actually been so much more LIBERATING than I thought to give it up… yes, I’ve had a few moments where I felt myself dying inside because I couldn’t rely on “sorry!” to get me by. But I know I’ll be stronger for it
And of course – please blog about it! I think we could all benefit from censoring some of our “sorry’s”. xox
Happy New Year of You Aidan! I’m glad we met.
Oh me too. I can’t stop thinking about that coffee we had a few weeks back, how we couldn’t stop talking and brainstorming together. So so much fun. Thrilled we are it for the long haul at D together. Maybe Big Girl and your big guy will go to prom together in a few years?
xo
Happy New Year! I love your resolution and the picture. I have been thinking of my friends lately and how the ones I feel closest to are the ones I am completely “myself” around/the “real me”…and they are also the ones who seem to love and appreciate me the most. Why do I try so hard to be something or anything other than myself? Things I have been thinking about too.
So glad you are back and look forward to navigating my own 2013 too… I also so appreciate knowing your blog is here and is always here no matter how unpredictable or chaotic my own life may get.
Happy New Year! Do you have training in photography? Your photos are always so beautiful. I realize you are in this one so you probably didn’t take it yourself, but you always have a nice picture to share.
Have a great day and thanks for the post. We missed you over the holidays.
I’m feeling pretty good about the new year and all it’s possibilities. Happy awesome New Year!