You were the one to remember to get Valentine’s Day cards for our little girls. You told me in a text. And I smiled when I saw the words because you are that guy. That guy who remembers the little things, the big things. I have my head in the clouds a fair bit these days. I know that. I am all over the place, imagining dream worlds, navigating this real one, in and out of focus. And I’ve chosen to celebrate this, my rambling ways, because they strike me as very Dad-like. He was like this, I say. He was a thinker.
And I am too. A thinker. Not a Thinker in some crazy academic way, but a thinker as in a person who thinks. I think all the time. About this world we live in, this life we have created, the maddening bits and pieces of toys and empty juice boxes that clutter our literal and metaphorical paths. I think about this city I love, this city that raised me along with Mom and Dad, this city that continues to raise me now as I am finally deciding to grow up, this city where we are raising our sweet and beautifully complicated little girls. This city where I met you.
Remember that night, babe? That beautiful and improbably swirl of laughter and blue eyes and wine and story, those hours that never ended, those hours that were our start? I still cannot believe it. That all of this came from that. I cannot believe it but oh how I love it, the chance of it all, the true and abiding randomness, the powerful aura of you never know.
I think about all of our Valentine’s Days together, how we slipped into simple traditions – of nights at home and candy and fondue. I think about how our girls have entered the picture and now, really, it is about them. About their cards and their candies and their excitement. But isn’t it amazing how much their excitement can be ours? It is not just about them though often it feels that way. It is also about us. It has always been about us, right?
I was never the girl who dreamed of her groom. I never pictured the gown. It wasn’t where my mind went. I never had a checklist of what I wanted in a man, in a mate. I never gave it much thought. I think I just assumed it would all work out. That life would happen, that I would mosey through my days, connecting dots, asking questions, and that it would all just work out.
And it has. It has.
I know our life is nutty, exhausting, downright amusing at times. I know we are at the mercy of three tiny bosses. I know that we haven’t taken a vacation in six years and that you haven’t been skiing in ten. I know that I spend too much money and don’t clean the cat litter. I know that none of this is easy. But I also know that I have never loved our life, or you, more than I do now. I mean it.
You gave me a card this morning. A wonderful card. And I gave you nada. I joked as I sipped my green tea and promised that I would come up with something before our date tonight. This is that something. I love you and all of this more than you will ever know.