Just One of Those Days

Posted On: 04.22.13

bronxI had a hard time falling asleep last night. Which was odd because I’ve been sleeping really well lately and because I was so tired. I was so wiped I nearly nodded off on the couch earlier in the evening during Mad Men. Anyway, it wasn’t fun. I just lay there, awake, thinking of all the things I need to do, and should do, thinking about my kids and my book and life, and watching it get later and later. I had planned to get up early this morning to write, but ultimately just turned my alarm off because it was getting too late.

Ugh.

I woke up this morning and had my coffee and dipped into a typical Monday morning, but I still felt a bit off. I took the girls to school. I settled in at a Starbucks near Preschool to write. And I got some really good work done. When it was time, I unplugged, went back out into the day, felt a bit better, but still not fabulous. I picked up my girl and we went for a little ice cream and read my girl’s library book while we ate it and then took the bus home. I did a few things and then worked out and, as always, this helped boost ye old mood. But not entirely.

I just met Sister C for a late salad lunch. She’s in town for a few days and we caught up and laughed. Again, this helped. And now I am home, sneaking in a bit more work in before heading out for a fun charity event. I know it will be a nice night and I’m looking forward to it, but I’m still dragging a bit and I can’t pinpoint why. I think everything in Boston affected me last week even more than I realized at the time. I think it’s hard to know how to process these things and move past them.

Also? I think These Days just exist, these less than rainbow days. I think that’s life. I think I’ve had so many really sparkly days recently that I kind of forgot about nights like last night and days like today. I decided not to post this morning because I just wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t want to write something bleh. But here I am kind of doing just that but I actually feel good about doing it because, hey, I don’t think I’m alone here. I think we all have These Days. Am I right?

I know I am right. We all have Those Days.

I’ll tell you something: The picture above makes me so happy. I took it yesterday morning at the Bronx Zoo. We got there super early and were among the first to arrive and the girls were elated and literally skipped everywhere. It was a beautiful morning. A morning of life and love and lots and lots of amazing animals. Talk about happiness.

But here’s the thing with happiness. It’s not a constant, linear thing. It has its blips, its pauses, its days. And that’s okay. That’s life, right?

(It is. I promise.)

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Do you ever have One of Those Days? Were you affected by the unfolding events in Boston last week? Do you agree that happiness has its fits and starts, its bursts and blips? Do you ever have trouble sleeping even when uber-tired?

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29 Comments for: "Just One of Those Days"
  1. ALL. THE. TIME. And I’ve always been a really happy, generally “in a great mood” person. But life can be so complicated and tricky when you have a family and responsibilities and goals and challenges and setbacks. I am so right there with you. xox

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Can’t tell you how happy I was to see this comment roll in yesterday afternoon, Rebecca. This is exactly why I wrote this post – because I know these days are so par for the course when we are moms and juggling responsibilities… Thought it was worth putting it out there. xox

  2. We all have these days, I hope tonight will lift your spirits.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Thanks, Ayala. Last night was indeed fun. Just what I needed. Now up early for a little time on the treadmill ๐Ÿ™‚ xo

  3. S.G.

    I would not be surprised if you’re still feeling the effects of last week’s events. I had a hard time sleeping this weekend too. It seems like in America, we see horrible things happen, circulate a bunch of platitudes about looking for the heroes instead of the scary stuff, and then move on immediately as soon as they have a suspect in custody. I think more Americans NEED to see the bad stuff and realize that we are not immune. The cartoons, etc. about looking for the people who are helping are great for kids, but we are adults, and instead of turning a blind eye to the actual suffering, we need to let ourselves experience it before moving on. I’m assuming this probably brought back painful 9/11 memories for you, as it did for me and everyone else I know who was in NYC or DC that day. When memories like that are triggered, it takes time for them to heal again. It saddens me at how quickly people seem to have forgotten about Boston over the weekend, especially being all the way down South where people aren’t familiar with Boston and for the most part weren’t anywhere near the 9/11 attacks. Events like this are bound to leave us feeling unsettled, and that’s perfectly ok! I think that America is too obsessed with the idea of “happiness” – we put so much pressure on ourselves to be happy and positive that it becomes impossible for us to attain it. Just my humble opinion.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Susan,

      Thank you so much for letting me put this Facebook comment of yours here. I think what you have to say is so important and so full of truth and I am happy to have that perspective here. I am very intrigued by the idea that we Americans are so eager to move past things, to cling to happiness even in the wake of bad things… Really worth thinking about.

      Thanks!

  4. Sam

    I’m having one of those days today too. You are definitely not alone. I’m still reeling a little bit from Boston. As a runner, it affected me in some really significant ways, and even though I have written about it and have gone for lots of runs in the past seven days, I feel like I haven’t really scratched the surface. I have a big race coming up on May 5th, and I’m hoping that being at the starting line with thousands of other runners – where there will be Boston t-shirts worn and a moment of silence observed – will help heal my soul just a little bit more.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Thank you, Sam. I just remembered that I felt exactly this way after the nanny incident and after Sandy and after Newtown… It is this sense of sadness mixed with helplessness mixed with a desire to be upbeat even though… Does that make any sense? Love the idea that you are running on May 5 wearing a Boston shirt. I think I might actually do a short race here tomorrow morning… Thanks, as always, for your words. This morning (it’s early – 6:05am!) is already a better one ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Sam

        That makes so much sense. I felt a little like this after Sandy and Newtown too. But this one hit me harder, I think because it was an attack on this sport that I have come to depend on strongly and that I love fiercely. I definitely recommend a race. There is nothing in the world like the buzz and solidarity of a starting line, and the exhausted elation of a finish line. It’s addictive.

  5. Laura

    LOVE this post. Thank you.

  6. Aidan Donnelley Rowley

    So worth mentioning that I feel a ton better since writing this post. Workouts + words = Happier ADR. Go figure ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Just remember Aidan, you NEED to have days like today in order to appreciate all of the sparkly rainbow days… Otherwise, you’ll find yourself adapting to that level of happiness and IT will become your norm. As strange as it may be, be grateful for the perspective that days like today give you… J.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Yes. Yes. Yes. This is so very true and I thank you for reminding me of this. I am indeed grateful for days like yesterday and for its brethren gray-ish days because they do lend critical perspective and make us appreciate the sparkly ones that much more. Beyond important to remember this. Thank you! (Off to get my coffee – that helps and profoundly with my morning happiness.)

  8. Noa

    YES. I’ve had days like that. Those are the days when I feel like hurling when I see sites like Pintrest. Hell, I’ve had what felt like YEARS of that, when my marriage was falling apart. When you feel ungrounded and unsettled, not sure how to get back to “normal”. Most bloggers only mention the highs, so its nice to see someone acknowledge the lows too.

    For late nights when you can’t seem to turn your mind off despite being exhausted, try keeping a notebook and pen where you can take 5-10 minutes “downloading” all of the thoughts/chores/errands that are swirling in your head. I find that it helps me relax because it reduces my anxiety once I have things written down.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Thanks so much, Noa. As a blogger, I do like to mention the highs because that actually helps me see and savor the highs in my life, but I also think it’s really important to honor the lows because they exist in life and without them, we are not appreciating the whole picture. It’s not easy for me to write about the lows, but I always feel happy that I did and the comments (like this one) are always really wonderful and interesting. I am curious about bloggers who never mention the grays; I wonder if this is a purposeful decision to focus only on the rainbows?

      Love the idea of scribbling a list during those moments of late-night angst. I can imagine that would really help. As would scribbling a little blog post here?

      Thanks again so much for your words!!

      • Noa

        My blog is currently down for “renovation” (procrastination?) but I remember specifically a blog post I wrote. It was titled “she heals me” and was about a bad day, where at the end of the evening after the bedtime routine I climbed into bed with my daughter Aviv and hugged her. I was so sad, and some tears escaped. I remember her caressing my hair and telling me things will be ok…. My little (at the time 3 years old) girl, comforting me. The post resonated with so many people and I got a lot of emails thanking me for being honest. Its hard to put yourself out there – as imperfect, vulnerable, scared. But that’s what we all are, no? Its just easier to pretend everything is always hunkydury in your life ๐Ÿ™‚

        You should totally have a “downloading” notebook next to your bed. I have written many a post (and to do lists!) on paper. I think its less distracting than opening the computer to write it down electronically as a post.

        Hope you’re staying warm! Hugs ๐Ÿ™‚ Noa

  9. I feel like I’ve been having a lot of those days lately – but know that I have those rainbow days to look forward to. And I definitely – even in these days that are bleh – have rainbow moments.

    And one of my favorite quotes (from one of my favorite all time shows One Tree Hill) talks about happiness. I’ve left it below because I think it will help (and it helps me when I have these days).

    “Happiness is a mood and itโ€™s a condition not a destination. Itโ€™s like being tired or hungry itโ€™s not permanent, it comes and goes and thatโ€™s okay and I feel like if people thought of it that way theyโ€™d find happiness a lot more often.”

    Have a great week!

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      I love that quote, Elise. And it makes so much sense to me. I think so many of us (and I include myself in this) strive for this glittering, Platonic Happiness when in truth it is something that comes and goes and hangs on individual moments in time. So good to remember this. And, yes, it is so about looking ahead and knowing there will be rainbows. For me, today already feels more sparkly than yesterday. (An aside, but I wonder if I would love the word ‘sparkly’ so much if I didn’t have three little chickadees underfoot?)

      Have a great day!

  10. I’m totally having those days a lot right now. I swear it’s the time of year and it doesn’t happen that it just f’ing snowed here AGAIN. (Minneapolis) Really, if I can’t wear a sleeveless dress and flip flops soon or at least boyfriend jeans and a tshirt I will SCREAM.

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Oh, so so interesting. Because after a string of gorgeous days, yesterday was COLD here. Wonder if that added to the existential grays? Will be interesting to see if there is a general perking up around here when the sun shines more consistently? Love your mention of boyfriend jeans. Thoughts on where I can snag a good pair??

      Thanks, you. xox

  11. I have insomnia often. And I’ve been having days like you described. Exactly. Thank you for describing and making me feel less alone. And my anxiety since last week is off the charts. I feel sharp and dull at the same time. Hoping for a rainbow and know this shall pass. Xo

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Getting the sense that many of us are feeling a bit out of step after last week. I think this makes sense. Hope you have a good one, Pamela! xo

  12. Simply put, yes. I have those days. A lot of them. xoxo

    • Aidan Donnelley Rowley

      Thanks, you. Realizing that we all have these days and sometimes it’s just good to acknowledge them, you know? xox

  13. Coming late to this one…sorry.

    Oh, holy coffee beans, yes, I have those days. We all have days like this, sometimes often, a few in a row (or for a month?). If someone doesn’t, I find they aren’t really truly in tune with themselves. Not that you want years of those days, but it is all part of It. With a capital I.

    On those days, I find it is so important to recognize it, let it happen and then keep going about your day. Not as if it wasn’t one of those days, but welcome that day. Tuck it into your bag, allow it to sit beside you at Starbucks, examine this day and see what it has to offer. Test it, chat with it, challenge it…like you did with exercise and words.

    I think those days have as much to tell me about Life and where I am, where I want to be, what is important as the sparky ones. Though the sparkly ones are much more fun.

    Okay, that was all lofty typing (similar to fancy hair, perhaps). Plain and simple, yes, these days happen. And yes, they aren’t so awesome. Not bad, they are just there. Just an off day. And, yes, it is okay. And yesyesyes, I am glad you shared it. Soso glad.

  14. AG

    Thank you for writing this. Sometimes bloggers just talk about the fun days which are great but it’s nice to know that other people have days just like these because I do too. So to put it simply thanks for this very real post!

  15. There must have been something in the air or the Lunar Calendar โ€“ because I too felt that way yesterday. Although chilly, the sun was out in Atlanta, but I couldnโ€™t shake the melancholy. I have so many milestones, transitions and changes coming up, making me panicky about the passage of time. Too Fast. But it also compelled me to the keyboard yesterday, poured my heart out to my laptop!

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