I think it is the single most important thing when it comes to making decisions – in life, in love, in parenting. I believe it is the compass that leads us where we should go. Yes, should. A word I sometimes hate, but not in this case.
My instinct is to slow down, and to step away from this place. Not forever, but for now. For the summer. My instinct is to live my moments without packaging them for a post, to spend more hours frolicking in the natural world than in the online one. My instinct is to rediscover who I am without this cherished corner, without this beloved security blanket.
My instinct is to honor my quasi-Luddite Dad who left us almost five years ago. To stop being a Hot House Tomato and get out there in the world and commune with humans and nature and get my toes muddy. My instinct is to be a bit more old-fashioned, to have conversations over coffee instead of over the keyboard.
My instinct is to squint into the sky instead of into the screen.
Yesterday was Father’s Day. I woke up with the girls and let my guy sleep in. Typical morning stuff ensued – cartoons and milk boxes and pajama dancing. But one thing was off; the Internet. For the first time in years, our connection was down. I wish I could tell you that I shrugged my shoulders and surrendered gracefully to this fitting fate. (My mind went immediately to Dad, to the rumble of his irreverent laughter, and I mused that he orchestrated this folly somehow.)
Truth be told, there was little grace on my end. I fiddled with the settings on my laptop. I unplugged modems and routers. I swore under my breath. And then, finally, I flipped close my computer and joined my girls in the garden. That’s when I decided that this is right. To take some time.
This might be hard. I imagine it will be. It will probably feel like torture, at least temporarily. But if it does (oh and it will) that will affirm for me, again, that this is right, and needed.
I will miss you and your words and I hope you will miss me and mine. But I will be back in September with more stories than I know what to do with. In the meantime, do follow me on Facebook and Instagram. On Twitter, too. I know better than to cut myself off completely and these places are less time-consuming and have become quite dear to me.
I hope your Popsicle Days are as sweet as can be. And that you, too, follow your instincts wherever they take you in the coming months.