Life can be tough. Pain is inevitable. I think it is human nature to seek ways to numb existential pain in its many iterations. For many years, alcohol was my anesthetic of choice. It worked wonders in the immediate moment to take the edge off, to quell anxiety, to lessen pain. But then I learned something and this something is true for me, but not everyone. While alcohol cut the pain while I was drinking, it made it worse after. Far worse. I’m not just talking about hangovers. I’m talking about emotional aftermath, about feeling less than good a lot of the time (whether or not I had a lot to drink).
So removing alcohol for me (right now, at this particular point in my life) has been downright magical, but I’d be lying if I said there weren’t moments when I missed it, and its effects. The problem, I think, is that I haven’t found a replacement, something else to numb pain or uncertainty when it flares up. Writing and exercising and cupcakes and snuggles from my babes are good, but they aren’t quite as efficient as Pinot Grigio. And so, I’ve been feeling more, everything maybe, or most everything. Maybe this is good? Even if it’s hard sometimes?
What is your anesthetic of choice for the operation of life?