December 16, 2016.
Today is Husband’s birthday. I took the picture above this morning. There he is, my man, in his gray winter sweater, drinking his fancy pour-over coffee, looking through the holiday cards we’ve received this season. I look at this image and I smile. Meeting this guy 15 years ago was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to me. Marrying him 12 years ago was, hands down, the best decision I’ve ever made.
Tonight we will celebrate him at Mom’s annual Christmas party at my childhood home. We will also celebrate Mom because last year at this time she was freshly-diagnosed and facing down major surgery and the party was canceled. It was a rattling, rotten time, but today is different. Today she is healthy and happy and the party is ON.
And Sunday? It’s our wedding anniversary. Twelve years. The blink of an eye and also a lifetime. Cliche, cliche, I know. But oh goodness do I mean it. Twelve years. How can it be and how can it not be? We are but babies and we have also grown up so much.
I’m sitting here at a coffee shop on the Upper East Side. All alone, caffeinated and thoughtful at a white marble table. I have just a bit of time before picking up all three girls at school. Today is a short day because it is Candlelighting, the annual winter ceremony before the two week break. I’m excited to have our kiddos home with us for two weeks.
I’m sitting here and I’m humbled and clear and madly in love.
Humbled by the transcendent mix of struggle and sweetness that is life. Humbled by the tumble of seasons, by the glittery white lights of these fleeting days. Clear on what I want, what I need, what I can control and what I cannot. Madly in love with my man, my family, this life.
I’ve been doing this thing and maybe it’s silly but it doesn’t feel silly. I’ve been stopping by our tree most nights and just pausing. Breathing. Thinking about where I am and who I am. Soaking in the moment. This moment in time.
I’m thankful for it, this particular moment, this dot on the map. Deeply, reverently, complexly thankful. Thankful to have my eyes and heart open, to be awake and aware and alive.
This life. It is so big, so small, so gorgeous, so fragile, so full.
Sending all of you my holiday love.