What I Remember

Today, my mind is muddled. Caught between the fictional world of LIFE AFTER YES and the real world of my life. Today, the rain has fallen furiously. Today, I am oddly nostalgic for days past. For a while, I couldn't figure out why. But as the day went on, it became clearer. There have been at least five days in my life that I remember from start to finish.

First, my wedding day. The day on which I wore that hot pink cashmere Juicy suit that was all the rage. That day on which I hung out in my childhood home with my bridesmaids eating pastries, counting down the hours. The day on which a genius man named Aki made my hair look like Bridget Bardot's. The day on which I stepped into that champagne gown that had splashes of turquoise and doves embroidered on the back. That day on which Dad walked me down the long, candlelit aisle of Holy Trinity. That day on which predictable wedding songs like Canon in D mingled with less predictable Christmas carols. The day on which I held Husband's hands, fumbled through my vows. That day on which I danced harder and smiled bigger than ever before. That day on which the rest of my good life began.

Second and Third, the days on which Toddler and then Baby were born. Days riddled with the utmost pain and the utmost pleasure. Days soaked with tears. Days stuffed with happiness and exhaustion and love. Days on which I wore flimsy standard issue hospital gowns and clutched new life. Days on which everything suddenly made sense. Days on which I believed the past had purpose and the future had promise.

Fourth and Fifth, the two days of the New York Bar Exam. Disappointing, but true. I remember what I wore (ponytails, cargo pants, tie-dye t-shirts, Adidas track jackets). I remember the lunches I packed (carb free because I was a freak then too). I remember the hordes of fearful faces at the impossibly vast Javitz Center. I remember the party I threw when it was all over. The crowds of debauched and celebrating quasi-lawyers who for months had put lives on hold to cram bits and pieces of knowledge into their brilliant brains. I remember how scared I was that I wouldn't pass. I remember that secret hope that I didn't pass. I remember it all.

Today, I am bizarrely nostalgic for these days, these magical and less magical days. Why? Because I have spent countless hours over the past week editing a story about a girl who is about to get married while listening to Canon in D on repeat. Because I spent a good part of today with my sister and her brand new boy. Because today was the second day of the Bar Exam. Because time passes, and years slip by, and moments blend, but there are days we remember. With crisp and uncanny clarity. Even when we least expect it.

What are the days you remember, the memories that catch you off guard as time rolls by?