So Much I Love

Okay, so I am writing this at midnight, in the very first moments of this day and I have no business doing this because I should be asleep. I should be asleep because my girls will be up soon and because I am so wildly tired I can barely see straight. But here's the thing, the wonderful and amazing thing: I don't care. I don't care that I am exhausted because I am happy and inspired and I have something to say, words to write. This is the best feeling in the world for me, this feeling of bursting with feelings, with ideas, with answers. And so. Here I am. Writing. Smiling.

You see the picture above? In it, there is so much I love. I love that it is my oldest girl and my youngest girl sitting together reading a book. I love that they are sitting in the yellow shamrock glider where I sat with all three of my babes night after night, nursing, rocking, dreaming, evolving. I love that my baby is wearing the striped Gap pajamas both her big sisters wore. I love that my biggest girl is wearing her Phineas & Ferb socks and that her baby sister is barefoot; a chubby baby foot is among my very favorite things. I love that they are near the wooden boat we gave my firstborn for her first birthday. All three of my creatures have rocked in this boat. I love that they are immersed in story, in pictures, in words. I love that there is saying and listening going on.

Stories. Pictures. Words. Saying. Listening. Being heard.

You see this blog right here? The one you are reading. In it, there is so much I love. I love that it is my place, that I can come here at midnight and against a background of carols, cobble together words in an effort to capture something complex and ineffable and true, something big, small, simple, profound, real. I love that I can come here in my pajamas and glasses and and shake off the world outside my windows, the world I revere and also fear. I love that you are here, real people with real desires and real doubts, and that you are reading my words and this messy story I am living and writing and that you are feeling it, whatever it is. I love that you care, that you say things, that you write me notes and make me think in new ways and that you tell me to keep going.

At the beginning of this week, I was seriously considering closing up shop. I was feeling stretched and overwhelmed and confused and so many of you said that you'd be sad if I stopped. So many of you said that my words mean something to you. And then the universe did its thing and reminded me over and over why I am here, being my messy self. This week has been big, full of new conversations and connections and conclusions. And I know. I know that this is right. This place.

Stories. Pictures. Words. Saying. Listening. Being heard.

That's what this picture of my girls is all about. That's what this place is all about. That's what this life is all about it. And here I am living it. What a wild privilege.

And now? I will do something I'm not good at. I will publish without editing. I will allow for the typos, the mistakes, the evidence of the hour. Because imperfections can be okay sometimes. I'm really beginning to realize this.

Thank you, guys. So so much. For being here. For encouraging me to be here, and stay here.

(Don't worry if you are a Friday Loves Fan... I will post a few today but I needed to write this more serious bit first. I trust you understand.)